


Marauders Era Adventures

by acontradictorymess



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Marauders Era - Fandom
Genre: 1970s fashion, 1970s music, Ableist Language, Angst, F/F, Feminism, Fleetwood Mac, Fluff, Ignoring Canon, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Minor side character experiences delusions, Mutual Pining, Nicknames, Non-Binary Remus, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, OC professors, POV Alternating, Pining, Schizophrenia, Sirius Black wears eyeliner, Smoking, Spin the Bottle, Swearing, TW Homophobic slur in French, Therapy Mention, Truth or Dare, Underage Drinking, Very small/brief suicidal thought, alcohol use, animagi, brief mentions of abuse, brief mentions of racism and homophobia (Sirius’s parents), dont read if that triggers you take care of yourself bb, french sirius, homophobic slur, it’s tiny, light peter bashing, marijuana mention, tw homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acontradictorymess/pseuds/acontradictorymess
Summary: Fifth year Marauders where girls are actually a part of the group, Sirius is from Beauxbatons and very into James, James is gay and very into Sirius, Lily and Dorcas are in love, Remus is genderqueer/gender nonconforming, and Peter is unimportant.Cue lots of pining and random adventures.
Relationships: James Potter/Sirius Black, Lily Evans/Dorcas Meadowes
Comments: 20
Kudos: 78





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius inspired by Fictionalcandie’s version in “These Golden Beacons”. I love that work!

Sirius leaned against the wall of the castle, puffing out smoke and thinking. Why did he decide to transfer to Hogwarts from Beauxbatons again? It’s not like he’s made any real friends, and it’s been a week!

Okay sure, he got away from his abusive ass family in France. But maybe he should’ve picked Durmstrang instead. These English just don’t seem to get him.  
Not that he ever had any interest in the Dark Arts (in fact his family would’ve loved if he went to Durmstrang which is exactly why he didn’t go but that’s besides the point). The point is he’s lonely. 

He watched as James Potter played with a snitch, as he strode across the lawn to a group of students under the tree by the lake. His black, thick, hair was artfully messy, as usual, and his wooly maroon sweater and thin glasses ridiculously hipster and annoyingly attractive. Sirius huffed out a breath, and dropped his half-smoked cigarette to the cracked dirt. He crushed it with his combat boot, and thought what the hell. He had been watching James Potter and his friends since his first day at hogwarts, and they seemed a decent lot, and he was bored and lonely. 

Sure, James was stunning, popular, and constantly surrounded by people, but Sirius was cool right? He could totally do this. He tried to look more confident than he felt as he made his way over to the group of people. Quickly, many pairs of eyes fell on him from the group. He recognized the tall, thin brown haired boy as Remus Lupin from his Herbology class, who often answered Professor Sprout’s questions. He thinks he remembered the three girls in the group names to be Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas. James was standing with his back to him, and he was still catching and releasing the snitch. 

Okay he can do this, he can do this. Not like he has much choice by this point anyways what with everyone watching him and all.  
He cleared his throat. 

“Uh hi?”

James spun around looking confused and way too much like a model (it made Sirius’s stomach drop). Marlene smiled at him encouragingly and Remus raised his eyebrows. 

“I’m Sirius Black, I’m kinda new”

Dorcas smirked up at him from her sprawl on the blanket. “We know who you are, everyone has been talking about the transfer kid from Beauxbatons. It’s not everyday Hogwarts randomly gets a brand new fifth year and a French one at that”. 

Sirius tried and probably failed not to look more awkward and uncomfortable. “Uh yeah I guess. Anyways, I was wondering if I could eat with you guys sometimes. I know, I know so kindergarten, but it’s getting old sitting by myself and not knowing anyone and you all seem cool...” he trailed off uncomfortably. 

James had sat down by this point. Everyone except Remus was still sorta staring at him. Remus had opened a book after sending him a small smile. James answered first, “yeah that would be cool with us, right guys?”, sending a crooked smile towards Sirius, who tried to smile back. 

“Mmh”  
“Sure”  
They all murmured. 

“Want to sit down?” James asked still smiling. “We’re just chilling out here until dinner because the weather is nice”. 

“Uh okay thanks” Sirius sat down. He was sorta shocked it worked.

“Good, you can help settle a debate then” Lily perked up. Marlene scoffed and leaned back on her elbows. Dorcas rolled her eyes, but continued to watch Lily fondly. Remus continued to ignore them and read his book. Lily elbowed Marlene, who was next to her, and continued, “Do you like the food at Hogwarts?” 

Sirius laughed, “uh, it’s alright” he tried. Privately, he missed the lighter and more varied options Beauxbatons offered, but it was a small price to pay to get way from his family, particularly his mother. 

Lily grinned victoriously, “Alright? You can be honest! It’s too much meat right?” I talked to the staff in the kitchens recently, and offered to help make some vegan/vegetarian options. Isn’t that great?”

Sirius smiled back at her, then glanced at the others and saw Dorcas still looking at Lily adoringly, sunlight hitting her black skin and long braids making them almost sparkle. Lily didn’t seem to notice. Marlene pouted, and pushed a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “The food is fine the way it is Lils, and the staff have enough to do as it is”. “I know” Lily agreed. “That’s why I’ve offered to help!”

James, who was pretty close to Sirius given that the blanket wasn’t that big, so Sirius could almost feel his body heat, was back to playing with his snitch and didn’t weigh in. Sirius wondered if this was a frequent debate they had. He tried to focus on rest of the conversation between the girls rather than the body heat from James, but it was difficult. 

Soon enough, Remus was closing his book and rubbing his eyes. “Speaking of food”, he said, “shall we go eat?”

“Ugh please” said Marlene, who stood up. Dorcas got up next and offered her hand to Lily. James smiled at Sirius and Sirius stood up, with his stomach in somersaults. Marlene quickly folded up the blanket, and they walked back to castle together. As they walked, Dorcas muttered to him, “welcome to the group”. Sirius smiled softly to himself. He might actually like this school and the English.


	2. Sweet Adventures

Two weeks later, James sat in the library, trying and failing to focus on writing his Herbology essay on the Screechsnap. It was really hard to focus on correct dragon dung ratios to soil when Sirius Black was sitting across from you chewing his bottom lip. James tried not to stare, but he couldn’t help notice Sirius’s perfect bone structure and his dark long lashes and how red and shiny his bottom lip was becoming from him chewing on it so much. He quickly looked back down at his parchment. Right. The Screechsnap. 

“My head hurts, I’m so sick of revising” Sirius complained. 

“O.W.L’s are gonna come before you know it though” reminded Remus from James’s left immediately.

“Ughh” moaned Sirius. “Don’t remind me, you know at Beauxbatons we don’t take our exams until 6th year?”

“Really? Wish we had whole ‘nother year here”, James complained softly. 

“Hiii y’all” Dorcas shout-whispered as she sauntered up to their table. “Y’all are so boring right now, I barely recognize you. Not you-Remus I’m used to you being boring” 

Remus glared, with little heat behind it. 

“Anywayssss, Marlene and I have found something really cool if y’all are done be boring...” Sirius and James had closed their books and stood up before she even could finish her sentence. She laughed. Remus sighed and stood up slowly. 

They followed Dorcas to the third floor to the ugly one-eyed witch statue where Marlene was waiting for them, looking around anxiously. 

“You discovered an ugly statue?” James asked scoffing and rolling his eyes, “we already knew about her!” Sirius smirked over at him which felt like a victory and made his stomach drop suddenly. 

“No you dunder head, watch! Deisderium” The hump on the witch’s back opened. 

“What the fuck! How the hell did you discover that!” James exclaimed in excitement. He was a little disgruntled he hadn’t discovered it himself. 

“Well I was practicing the charm, after class and I got lucky I guess!”, Dorcas beamed. 

“You’re really not supposed to be practicing spells in the corridor, Dor” muttered Remus. 

Dorcas rolled her eyes and everyone else ignored him. 

“Where do you suppose it goes?” asked Marlene, still looking around the corridor anxiously like she thought Filch would suddenly appear at any moment. 

“Only one way to find out!” James said and he began climbing the witch. 

“You can’t be serious” Remus said 

“No but I am” Sirius cut in smirking 

Everyone but James rolled their eyes at that. It was not the first time he had made that joke in the last two weeks. James still smirked back at him though. 

“You don’t even know where it goes”

“James, maybe we should at least wait until evening so we don’t get caught—“ 

“Don’t care and nope” said James and was down the slide before anyone else could say anything. 

Sirius and Dorcas shrugged at each other and began climbing too. 

“Guys stop—you’re gonna get in so much trouble” Marlene worried, covering her eyes with her hands. 

“Don’t think they’re gonna listen” Remus muttered. 

“Would they really put this statue here if it was so dangerous, and they didn’t want us to figure it out?” Dorcas asked rhetorically. Sirius and her were down the shoot before another word was said. 

“I’m gonna go find Lils, and tell her what’s happening—they’re so crazy” Marlene told Remus shaking her head and walking backwards. 

“You know James, always looking for an adventure” Remus shrugged, looking at the statue pensively. 

“You’re gonna follow them huh?” She asked. 

Remus smiled, “only to protect their dumb asses”, he told her.  
Marlene shook her head smiling knowingly. 

After a long walk in the dark earthy tunnel and some grumbling about being hungry later—a stairway appeared at the end of the tunnel. James, Sirius, Dorcas, and Remus climbed it for what felt like ages given how steep it was. 

“Ow!” Exclaimed James rubbing his head. He lifted his hand and felt a cold trap-door. He pushed opened the door to find themselves in no other place but...

“Honeydukes!!” James whispered ecstatically, scrambling out of the door to let the others in. 

“Ooh Marlene is gonna be sad she missed out on this” Remus smirked.

“It’s a candy store?” Sirius asked looking around at the half-opened supply boxes filled with different brightly labeled packages of candy. 

“Not any candy store! THE BEST ONE!!” Exclaimed Dorcas, almost bouncing up and down in excitement. She was down the ladder to the main store before anyone else could even blink. They all followed. Given that it was a Saturday, no one seemed to notice them slipping into the throng in the shop. 

James couldn’t believe their luck. A secret passageway right to honeydukes! Sirius looked slightly overwhelmed at the vast variety of selection in the shop. James smiled at him and trying to act braver then he felt, he linked their hands together with the excuse of: “here I’ll show you the best ones!” And led him through the crowd, trying to pay more attention to not running into anyone rather than the cool, slightly rough feeling of Sirius’s hand in his. 

When he reached the sugar-spun quills and fizzing whizzbees, he tried to put his quickened heartbeat and fluttering stomach down to being near his favorite sweets, but he knew it had more to do with the grey-eyed boy next to him. They were standing awfully close due to the crowd. He was so ridiculously pretty. James coughed, let go of his hand, and tried to subtly move slightly to the left. He swore he saw a flash of disappointment in Sirius’s eyes, but it was gone in the next second. 

“Fizzing whizzbees, huh? We don’t have those in France”

James smiled at him sorta shyly, trying to remember how to speak normally. 

They all gathered as many sweets as they could hold, and got in line. Dorcas was still bouncing slightly, as she told them how she had gotten toffees for Lily. Remus smirked at her knowingly, and she whacked him gently with a package of toffees.

Slowly, weighed down slightly by their packages, they made their way back the way the came. It was only when they were almost back did, Remus stop suddenly—Dorcas walked right into him. 

“Ouch, Remus what the hell”

“It’s the 15th” he whispered, sounding terrified. 

“No, no that’s tomorrow”, James immediately jumped in. 

“What—we have something due tomorrow or something?” Sirius cut in. 

“You’re sure it’s tomorrow, James?” Remus asked urgently, ignoring Sirius. “God I’m normally so much more responsible than this” he muttered angrily to himself. James, who was in front of Sirius and Remus, ducked around Sirius and put his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “Trust me, he confirmed, it’s tomorrow” and he said quietly so Sirius couldn’t hear, “you’re not alone in this”. 

“Thanks man”, Dorcas patted him gently on the back and they continued walking. Sirius didn’t ask again, but James felt he would ask again eventually. 

When they finally got back to the castle, they had the difficult task of wriggling and climbing up a very slippery stone slide with packages. They hadn’t really thought that part through. They ended up throwing the packages up, and eventually got up it. Unfortunately, though, not quick enough. 

There in the dimly lit corridor, was Mrs. Norris. Her amber eyes seemed to gleam smugly, and then she was streaking off to find Filch. 

“Quick!” Whispered James and they grabbed their packages as quickly as they could and they began to flee down the corridor. 

“Wait!” Dorcas whisper-shouted, and they stopped. “Let’s split up!” Remus nodded and Dorcas and him went one direction and James and Sirius the other. They only made it to the fourth floor before Filch and Mrs. Norris appeared. 

“Fancied some sweets I see...sneaking off school grounds alone...stupid...you will pay for this” Filch snarled, but his eyes shimmered with excitement at the prospect of students being punished. 

James’s stomach sunk. He knew their luck had been too good to last. He felt especially bad for Sirius who wasn’t used to James’s tendencies like Remus and Dorcas was. He might’ve been slightly embarrassed too, to have Sirius see him get caught like this. It was an amateur move to go during the day, he knew that. He had just been so excited about a new adventure, he hadn’t stopped to think. He hoped Dorcas and Remus had better luck. 

They ended up getting detention for two weeks, a long speech from Professor McGonagall about the dangers of leaving the school alone, and losing twenty points each. Luckily, Remus and Dorcas weren’t caught. Although, Mrs. Norris seemed more determined than ever to catch them, as she was often found lingering outside the Gryffindor common room after that.


	3. Owlery Scene-Sirius POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my Americanisms sorry I tried to make it authentic. Also sorry to any French readers—I did my best with that part but please tell me if it’s offensive/doesn’t make sense.

Hi Reg,

I miss you (I know gross but I do). I hope you’re doing well, and not taking too much shit from mum and dad. Hogwarts isn’t too bad I’ve actually met some cool people. I miss proper bouillabaisse and coq au vin though. And I gotta say we are much better at quidditch!

Casse toi frérot,

Sirius 

Sirius laughed to himself, as he entered the owlery with his letter, picturing what James’s face would be if he read that last line he wrote to Reg. As if conjured by his thoughts, James was standing with his back to him, giving a brown tawny owl a letter.  
“Thanks, Mave”, the owl took off, out the window into the sunset. 

“Fancy seeing you here”

James spun around, and Sirius missed the view of James’s broad back, shoulders, and ass already. His jeans were cuffed and white button down were rolled up, displaying his forearm muscles. Sirius tried to calm his suddenly quicker heart rate. 

“Oh Sirius! Hey”, James smiled and pushed up his glasses and ran his left hand through his already messy hair. He was always doing that. 

“Hey yourself, who you writing to?”

“Oh, my mum we write each other often” James looked like he was daring Sirius to make fun of him. Must be nice Sirius thought, to be that close to your parents. He didn’t say anything as he went to tie his letter to his Pygmy owl, Vie. 

“You alright, Sirius?”

Sirius looked up and saw James had moved much closer. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern. His hazel eyes were really pretty, Sirius thought. He cleared his throat and watched Vie fly out the window for a second. 

“Oh yeah, sorry, I’m fine! Just thinking. What do you think about McGonagall’s essay on Evanesco on huh? That’s gonna be a doozy”.

James still looked concerned, but he seemed to decide to let it go, and they headed back to common room together talking about the transfiguration essay, McGonagall herself, and the upcoming Hogsmead trip.


	4. Firewhisky Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @cosmo for the dare suggestions lol  
> Also let me know how you guys feel about the kissing dares, if I need another tag or trigger warnings or anything!  
> Again sorry to any French readers.  
> Rating might increase to mature later, I haven’t decided yet.  
> Also feel free to tell me if you find any typos and I’ll fix it!

“Okayyy I just had a brilliant, crazy idea guys”, Dorcas exclaimed as she came dashing through the portrait hole, cheeks slightly flushed, braids swinging, towards the armchairs by the fire where her friends were gathered. 

Remus looked up from his parchment. He looked a lot better and healthier this week, Sirius noted somewhat absentmindedly from his spot next to him. James was looking as good as ever, perched on the arm of Sirius’s chair, and he was listening raptly to Dorcas. Oh right her brilliant idea, Sirius tried to catch up quickly—having missed a part of the discussion.

“Anddd we’ll bring alcohol and food from the kitchens and it’ll be so much fun!!” Dorcas finished 

“I’m in” Sirius answered immediately.

James laughed and smiled his crooked, shy smile down at him. Sirius’s stomach tried to do a somersault. “Let’s do it, Dor-it sounds brilliant!” he said still looking at Sirius. Sirius flushed and looked away. 

“Where are we getting a tent from though” asked Remus 

“My parents have one, and I’m sure they won’t mind if we do some enlargement charms on it.” Lily answered swiftly smiling as she walked up to the group. 

“This weekend then?” James asked the group at large, who all agreed enthusiastically. 

“Did someone tell Marlene?” Sirius added quickly. 

Dorcas leaned over and flicked his forehead. Weren’t you listening, dunder head I was with her when I thought of the idea?! Sirius flushed, but she just rolled her eyes at him.

That Friday night found the six of them waiting and waiting. First for the common room to slowly empty, and next impatiently near the portrait hole for James to give the signal. 

Almost immediately after meeting that day by the lake, James had proudly shown him his invisibility cloak, explaining how it was a family heirloom. Sirius had been rather impressed. Now though he wished it was big enough to cover them all. The plan was to have James signal when the way was clear of professors/Peeves/Filch and have them go in pairs.

“Okay that’s it!” Remus exclaimed softly but excitedly upon seeing red sparks fly from the ground floor. 

“Let’s gooo” Dorcas almost screeched hooking her arm in Lily’s and heading out of the portrait hole with her. Lily looked pleased about something. 

“Quietly” Remus and Marlene said at almost the exact same time. Then they looked at each other and laughed and followed the other two. Sirius took up the rear trying to softly close the portrait of the fat lady who was snoring. 

When they reached the ground floor by the great hall, Sirius thought he felt a soft breeze on his neck and froze, thinking it was a Peeves, he looked up, heart beating in his throat, “hey” James’s voice came from behind him, laughing at his reaction as he whipped off the cloak and they headed through the front door together.

“Le con” he muttered

“What’s that mean?” James asked still laughing at his prank.

“Asshole, twat, bugger, prick, it’s a good catch all—perfect for you!”

“Hey!” James shoved at him smiling. As they made their way across the grounds. The small sliver of moonlight made his teeth look white and the shadows made him jawline more pronounced. Sirius swallowed and looked away. 

They made their way quickly towards the forbidden forest. Once outside of it, they stopped and James told the group “Okay remember the game plan head towards that cove with the lake near the center, stay away from the acromantula den, do not disturb the centaurs obviously,  
Etc”

“How often do you guys come in here??!” Sirius laughed 

Somebody cleared their throat and Remus wouldn’t look at him. 

“We know the drill James let’s go” Remus said impatiently 

They lit their wands and started off.

They walked for a while and chatted quietly amongst themselves mostly sticking to the path. The forest got denser and more quiet as they moved towards the center. Eventually they veered left off the path and climbed some undergrowth and ended up in a clearing with a small lake. Sirius thought it was so peaceful and beautiful here. 

The group dropped their bags and stretched.

Lily began taking the tent out of her bag and assembling it with magic with the help of Dorcas and Remus. Marlene began summoning firewood. Sirius looked over at James who was muttering some protective enchantments at the edge of the clearing. 

“Need some help?” He asked him. 

“Nah that should do it thanks, I just don’t fancy ending up acromantula food”

“Let’s swim!” Dorcas exclaimed from where they had set up the tent. 

Sirius and James joined the others by the edge of the lake. Lily was already taking off her clothes. Sirius noticed that Dorcas was watching her transfixed, and he smiled to himself. Remus took of his trousers but left on his t shirt and cannon balled into the lake first. “Oh fuck it’s freezing” he laughed upon resurfacing. James looked at Sirius and the two raised their eyebrows at each and started to strip. Sirius tried to focus more on beating him into the lake than on the expanse of tan skin and wide shoulders and biceps that suddenly had appeared but it was difficult. James beat Sirius by a second and dived gracefully in. Marlene just pushed up her pants and stuck her feet in. Lily and Dorcas shortly followed Sirius. Lily looked like she was considering something.

James swam over to Sirius upon resurfacing with a mischievous look on his face, and he splashed him. “Ugh le con” Sirius complained laughing as water got into his nose. He splashed him back and it was on. The girls were shrieking and Dorcas was suddenly on Remus’s shoulders and Lily was laughing and tugging Marlene’s leg until she gave up and jumped in with them and Sirius and James were taking turns dunking and splashing each other and spitting water in each’s faces and it was the most fun Sirius had had in a long time. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

Eventually, the group was tired and hungry and settled down by their tent, lighting the firewood with their wands. Dorcas pulled out about a dozen small meat pies from her bag and several flasks of pumpkin juice and they began to eat. Dorcas had made sure to get Lily a few vegetarian pies. Sirius noticed that Lily kept glancing at Dorcas after that. Eventually, Lily asked Dorcas to speak with her privately and the two went off to a corner of the clearing for a while. 

“It’s about time don’t you think” Marlene said smugly between bites of meat pie, a little while later, looking over to where Lily and Dorcas were snogging.

Remus just rolled his eyes fondly. James completely oblivious seemed to be thinking about something different because apropos to nothing he complained to Sirius “Man I still don’t know why you have to sleep with the fourth years it’s so dumb like just transfigure him a bed already Mcgonagall”.

“We want Mr. Black’s transition to be as seamless as possible, Mr. Potter, now don’t you have class to get to?” he imitated Mcgonagall’s clipped tone surprisingly well for someone with meat pie in his mouth. James frequently lamented that Sirius wasn’t in their dormitory. 

“Man just take Peter’s bed—he’s weird anyways” 

“That’s not nice, James, besides I think he’s had a bad life” Remus said sadly

“How would you know mo-Remus, it’s not like the bloke really talks to us”

Sirius glanced confusedly at James’s strange stutter, but James was looking at Remus. 

“I don’t know it’s just feeling I get”

“Doesn’t mean he has an excuse to be so damn creepy all the time, do you know how many girls have told me he stares at them in class?” Marlene huffed. 

“Who are we talking about?” 

Dorcas and Lily had come back hands entwined, both flushed but pleased looking. Remus slow clapped and Marlene exclaimed “fucking finally!” James grinned at them and said “nice one!” Sirius just beamed and said “even I noticed and I’m new” 

“Yeah yeah laugh but we got there in the end mostly thanks to Lils” Dorcas kissed her on the cheek and Lily flushed deeper. “Anyways who were you guys talking about?” Lily interjected. 

“Peter the pervert” Marlene groaned. 

“Don’t call him that” Remus reproached her and Lily looked at Marlene disapprovingly.

“He is creepy though” Dorcas shuddered “always staring”

“That’s what I said!” Marlene exclaimed. 

“Why are we talking about him anyways?” asked Lily

“James was complaining about sleeping arrangements again” Sirius shrugged. 

“Why did you transfer again anyways?” James asked suddenly looking over at Sirius across the campfire. The campfire light gave his skin a warm glow and made his cheekbones more pronounced. His hazel eyes seemed to shimmer in the light. 

Sirius swallowed. He then registered what James just asked. He smiled in a sort of strained way. “Maybe I was just tired of France—needed a change of scenery” “Anywaysss enough about me” he said quickly “Dorcas promised alcohol let’s do some shots!”

They pulled out four bottles of firewhisky and two of butterbeer. 

“Shall we be total teen cliches?” Lily asked the group conspiratorially as she passed around the firewhisky.

“Truth or dare!!” Dorcas exclaimed. 

Remus sighed all long-sufferingly and James wiggled his eyebrows at Sirius again who smirked back at him.

Marlene clapped her hands excitedly. 

“Okay!” Lily said “James truth or dare?”

“Do you even know me, Lils” James scoffed. 

Lily rolled her eyes “yes yes dare we know dear—she paused—I was just giving you a chance to mix it up whatever” she smiled and rubbed her hands together thinking. Dorcas leaned closer to whisper something in her ear.  
Sirius took out a cigarette and lit it. 

“Okay we dare you to tell us something you’ve never told any of us” Lily proclaimed dramatically. 

The group fell silent all looking at James. James ran his hand through his hair as he so frequently did. It looked artfully messy as usual, the prat. “Hmm, I smoked weed with some hufflepuffs last year”  
“Noice” Dorcas high-fived him  
“Man I already knew that you came back to the common room smelling like weed” Remus shook his head exasperatedly. Sirius and Marlene laughed. Lily rolled her eyes fondly. “Thanks for that Remus-you are a true master of observation” James said sarcastically.  
“No mate, you’re just obvious” Remus cut in.  
James rolled his eyes, “it’s my turn, truth or dare Sirius” his eyes were glinting mischievously again. 

Sirius’s stomach lurched. He licked his lips, “dare”. “Okay..I dare you to just move into our dorm already”. James wiggled his eyebrows at him. Sirius laughed “alright done”.

“Okay, Marlene you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet, truth or dare?”

“Ugh. Truth”

“Ooh brave” snorted Dorcas.

“Hmm do you fancy anyone?” Sirius smirked

Remus rolled his eyes muttering about cliches, and James looked annoyed about something. Lily and Dorcas were smirking watching Marlene, who shifted uncomfortably.

“Ugh Sirius thanks for this, not really I mean I think Adam is attractive but let’s be real boys are dumb. I wish I could fancy girls.” Marlene sighed.  
“Same” James said without missing a beat.  
“Sucks to suck” Dorcas laughed, her arm around Lily’s waist.  
Sirius’s heart lifted, James was into blokes! This night really couldn’t get any better. 

“Okayyy Dor for that, it’s now your turn” Marlene giggled, truth or dare?”

“Dare, obvi”

“Hmm I dare you to kiss Sirius!” Lily rolled her eyes “Marlene always loves making people kiss” she told Sirius conspiratorially. Dorcas laughed and untangled herself from Lily and leaned across to kiss Sirius briefly on the lips. She smelled like jasmine and her lips were soft. James clapped and wolf-whistled. Remus was smirking. Marlene looked pleased with herself. 

“Okay it’s Remus’s turn, truth or dare mate” Dorcas asked as she cuddled up with Lily again. 

“Truth because there’s only been one so far” Remus laughed. 

“Okay...how big of a role did you actually play in that epic prank last year?” Dorcas smirked at him. “Be honest”. Lily put in laughing. 

James sniggered and Remus smiled.

“Wait what was the prank?” Sirius asked curiously 

“Omg that’s right you weren’t here then! They filled a whole corridor with this green goop. The teachers couldn’t remove it for weeks! They put James in detention even though they couldn’t prove it was him, but Remus got off scotch-free!” Marlene exclaimed. 

“I did not get off scotch-free. I was sick that week if you’ll remember” Remus told her.

“Right, right you still had something to do with it, don’t lie” Dorcas scoffed. 

“Fine I may have had a hand in the making of the goop, but I can neither confirm nor deny that” Remus laughed. James was laughing so hard his face was turning red. 

Sirius felt a twinge of regret he hadn’t transferred earlier. He had some friends at Beauxbatons but not like this. 

“Okay it’s Lils’s turn, truth or dare, darling?” Remus asked her. 

“Hmm dare” Lily smiled at him

“...I dare you to drink the rest of this bottle of firewhisky right now” Remus smirked and gestured to the bottle that was 3/4 of the way gone. 

“Ugh fine”

“Chug, chug, chug” James chanted and the group joined in. Lily drained the bottle with ease. She wiped the back of her hand against her mouth. “That was kinda boring Remus” she complained lightly.

“What do you expect it’s Remus” Dorcas teased. 

“Hey!” Remus pouted.

“It’s okay we still love you, mate” James patted his shoulder reassuringly. 

“Alright back to me, err, Sirius, you’re still an enigma to us in some ways. Truth or dare?” Lily asked. 

“Dare” Sirius replied quickly.

“Okay but your next one has to be truth, you know the rules” she said smirking at him. 

“Hmm I dare you to change one of your physical features with magic right now”

“Lils, we haven’t even properly learned how to do that yet” Remus reminded her quickly. 

“I think it’s brilliant” Dorcas enthused

“You would” Marlene laughed at her. 

“Well it’s a dare, if you don’t wanna do it just say so Sir-“ Lily began

Sirius had already dyed his hair bright pink with his wand. The group cheered and clapped and wolf-whistled. 

James was looking at him across the fire with an unreadable look on his face. He took a sip of firewhisky, still making eye contact with Sirius as his tongue darted across his top lip. Sirius’s whole face felt hot. He looked away quickly, his heart beating fast. 

“Okayyy err..James, truth or dare?” Sirius asked him looking back at him, his heart still beating quicker than normal. 

“Dare, duh” James replied smirking at him

“Errr I dare you to say two honest things about everyone here”. 

“Ooh nice one” Marlene called. 

“Okayy”, James smirked at Sirius, let’s see:

“Lils: I’ve always liked your hair and err it annoys me that you’re better at potions than me. Lily laughed. Dorcas kissed her cheek and whispered something in her ear. Lily flushed. 

“Dor: Love your energy and ideas and err I’m really happy for you and Lils.  
M-Remus: err even though we tease you about being boring, I actually appreciate how you push us to study you make us better students, and you always know where to draw the line with pranks, love you mate”. Remus flushed but he looked pleased.

“Ooh he getting sappy now” Dorcas laughed.  
“Ah piss off” James replied smiling.  
“Sappy and feisty he must be pretty drunk” Marlene teased. James just flipped her off and continued  
“Marlene: love your fashion sense and it’s impressive how you seem to always know about all the gossip before anyone else.”  
She giggled. “Yeah she’s got an impressive network” Lily agreed. 

“Sirius: errr you have really pretty eyes and errr I’m happy you joined the group”. Sirius’s stomach dropped. He thought he had pretty eyes. Sirius wanted to dance around he felt so giddy.  
Remus muttered something to James, smirking and James flushed. 

“Okayy...Dorcas...truth or dare? 

“Dare and yes I know my next one has to be truth” she responded. 

“Okay err..scream the first thing that comes to your mind”

“Uh...FUCK, SHIT, PRAT, BUGGER, TITS, BLOODY BALLS...we good?”

The group had dissolved into laughter. 

“Only you Dor, only you” Remus replied while wiping his streaming eyes. 

“Why thank you I am one of a kind, I know. Now, Lils truth or dare?” She took another swig of fire whiskey.

“Mm-dare I want a better one-no offense Remus”. Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. 

“Hmm.....I know! I dare you to pretend to be James for the next five minutes”

Lily laughed and leaned back much in the casual lounge-like way James himself was currently sitting in. She ran her hand through her red long hair and pretended to push up her glasses. The group was already sniggering. James was rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.  
“Did you see the way I scored that last goal, I pretended to throw it towards the bottom hoop to confuse the keeper, pretty good eh?” Lily imitated James’s deeper voice.  
Remus was laughing silently with tears streaming down his face. Marlene and Dorcas were beside themselves with giggles. Dorcas was clutching her side. Sirius laughed and then raised his eyebrows at James, smirking, who flushed.  
“Ugh Lils I don’t sound like that”  
“I don’t wanna study I wanna go flying. Why are you so good at potions, Lils” Lily continued, ignoring him. “Did you see that bloke, Lils, I mean wow”.  
James was bright red. Sirius’s stomach lurched, and he wondered who James had been talking about. 

“Okay I’ll stop there, but I’ll still imitate his posture and gestures for the next few minutes, good? Okay Marlene, truth or dare?”

“Uh let’s go with dare.”

“Since you’re always making other people kiss, it should be your turn” Lily proclaimed smiling, still in her lounge-like position and running her hand through her hair every few seconds. “Yess” Dorcas laughed agreeing. Marlene rolled her eyes. “Hmm” Lily looked around the group like she was choosing a victim. She pretended to push up her glasses again. James looked over at Sirius and grinned at him. “Kiss James!” James rolled his eyes and smirked. Lily copied him again.

Marlene smirked back at him and crawled over to him. She put her hand on his neck and leaned in. Her long blonde hair fell down her back. They began to full on snog and Sirius felt like he was going to explode. He wanted to watch but he also didn’t. When James swiped his tongue over Marlene’s top lip, Sirius felt his face go hot and his trousers get tighter. He also had the weird but strong impulse to shove Marlene away from him. When they broke away there was more cheering and clapping and wolf-whistling, but Sirius found that he didn’t want to look at either of them.

Sirius zoned out for few a seconds after that, just trying to calm his heart rate by looking out at the lake. When he looked back, Remus was doing the most awkward yet funny dance—it involved a robot and a chicken somehow. Sirius began to laugh. He decided to just forget about how that kiss made him feel for now. It was just a stupid dare anyways, right?

“Okay guys, last round since it’s almost dawn” Remus said when he finally had stopped his hilarious dance. 

“Lils, I think you’re out of dares so truth?”  
“Sure” she smiled at him  
“Okay...when did you start liking Dor?”  
“Uhh ages ago I don’t know end of last year? She grinned at the girl next to her, who was looking at her adoringly again. I didn’t think I had a chance with her really you know? Like I knew she was queer and we were friends and all, but c’mon she’s stunning and so hilarious and cool. I told myself it’s okay at least you’re friends, you’ll get over this crush eventually. And then I began to notice little things this last month that gave me hope that I might not be alone in these feelings. So I took a chance and I asked her and I’m so glad I did”. Lily was positively glowing with happiness by the end of this. Dorcas leaned over and they began to snog. 

“Really, truly happy for you guys but can we finish this game now?” Marlene cut in. “I’m fucking exhausted.” The boys laughed and Lily and Dorcas broke a part flushing but smiling. 

“Okay Sirius, it’s your turn for a truth I think” Lily said. 

“Okay shoot” Sirius said confidently, but his insides were squirming. What was she gonna make him tell everyone, fuck. 

“Hm do you fancy anyone?...shut up Remus it’s a classic for a reason”.

“I didn’t say a thing” Remus retorted.

“Err maybe” Sirius was careful to sound casual as he looked up at Lily smirking “as Remus would say I can neither confirm nor deny”. He glanced at James who was looking at him with a sorta intense look on his face. He swallowed and looked away. Remus was muttering something to James again. Marlene looked sorta bored, staring into the fire. Dorcas had her head on Lily’s shoulder and her eyes closed. The group was definitely getting tired. 

“Should we just call it guys?” Sirius asked the group at large. They agreed. 

“Good game though” James said, “one of our best yet I think”.

“Definitely” Dorcas agreed sleepily. They put out the fire and moved into the tent.

————-  
James POV

As the others got ready for bed, James went up to Sirius. He stepped close to him so he could talk to him without the others hearing. His hair was still pink, James noted absentmindedly. It looked good on him. Then again, that was not surprising, Sirius was so gorgeous. This close to him he could see each one of his long eyelashes. He smelled like firewood and smoke and firewhisky and something sweet, something probably pure Sirius. It was James’s new favorite smell. 

“Hey mate, can I ask you something?” he murmured “Really...why did you transfer? Didn’t you have to leave a whole life behind? I couldn’t imagine leaving Hogwarts”. He really couldn’t. Even the thought of it made him feel anxious and sick. 

Sirius laughed bitterly. “Yeah, I’m sure you couldn’t. Since you’re close to your mum and everything too.”

James felt confused “uh yeah, you know I write her all the time...Sirius what happened with your family?” He asked softly so the others wouldn’t hear. 

Sirius huffed, his jaw clenching, “they’re a bunch of blood purist, racist, homophobic, abusive assholes alright? You happy?” He snapped a little louder than he intended. 

Remus, with a toothbrush in his mouth, looked over at him curiously. Dorcas was already asleep cuddled around Lily, whose eyes were closed. 

James’s eyes widened, “shit, I’m really sorry, Sirius”. James didn’t know what else to say. Sirius looked so deeply hurt. James tried not to overthink it as he slung his arm over Sirius’s shoulders. It felt right.


	5. Moony, Teacups, and Soul-Searching Quests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry once again to any French readers. I know this is probably horrible because I used google translate, and I’m very sorry. Feel free to comment corrections. Also there may be more typos in this one, sorry!
> 
> Also TW: brief homophobia and homophobic slurs (in French)

“Okay we’ve decided to tell you something because you’re one of us now” James pronounced dramatically, as the three of them sat in their dormitory one evening, about a week after their camping trip. Mcgonagall wasn’t too pleased about Sirius moving into the fifth year dorm, but became resigned about it pretty quickly after the move was already complete, and none of the other students seemed to care. 

Remus was struggling to make eye contact with Sirius again.

“Remus I think you should do it, mate, it’s really your secret to tell...”

Remus had his eyes closed now. “Fine, er have you noticed how I get sick every month? Around the full moon? “Well”, he inhaled a deep breath, “I’m a werewolf”.

Sirius thought for a second. That made a lot of sense, now he thought more about it. “Okay” Sirius shrugged. He didn’t really care. He knew a lot of the wizarding world was prejudice towards werewolves including his parents, but he had always felt bad for them. He knew it wasn’t their fault and that the transitions were terribly painful. “I’m sorry, that must suck” he added quickly.

“Told you he was cool, mate” James clapped his hand on Remus’s shoulder, beaming at Sirius. Sirius’s stomach lurched. Remus finally made eye contact with Sirius. “You really don’t care? I mean I’m dangerous, you know that right?” Remus asked him sorta intensely. 

“You are not” James cut in. “We take steps every month to protect Remus and the other students” he explained to Sirius. 

“Yes to protect the other students from me!” Remus added hotly. 

“C’mon mate, don’t do this” James pleaded. 

“It’s not your fault this happens to you every month” Sirius put in. 

“Exactly” James said. Remus was still looking uncomfortable. “Anyways Dumbledore knows. The shrieking shack was built for Remus, but starting at the end of last year we came up with something better!” he told Sirius excitedly. 

“Actually, James I don’t think it’s better, and I think we should probably stop. It’s too dangerous!” he said to James quickly. “Dumbledore trusts me and this is what I do?” He looked like he was going to cry.

“C’mon, Moony, it’s not that dangerous, and it’s a hell of a lot more fun you gotta admit” James pleaded. 

“Moony?” Sirius asked. 

“I don’t care about fun! I could kill someone James!!” Remus shouted. He looked livid. His cheeks were flushed. He stood up and began pacing around their dorm. “We’re being so irresponsible!”

James looked sadly at Remus. “I learned how to become an animagus by the end of last year” he told Sirius. 

“Damn, that’s impressive magic” Sirius said in awe. James smiles at him sorta shyly. “Thanks” he said. “I transform into a deer and I try to keep Remus, or as I like to call him, Moony, tame and we mostly run around the forbidden forest” he continued. 

“You cannot control a werewolf, James! I’ve been so stupid letting us do this! We have to stop.” Remus looked beside himself. 

“What if I joined you guys?” Sirius asked quickly “I could learn how to become an animagus too. It’ll take time obviously, but would that help if there were more of us? We could ask the girls too. Wait they know right?” Sirius asked 

“Of course they know” James said “Marlene was kinda weird about it at first but she came around”. 

“What if we put up some protective enchantments too?” Sirius added. 

Remus looked conflicted. “Alright, maybe, but James until the others can help you, I’m going back to the shack I’m sorry”. 

“Alright in that case we better get to work, Sirius” James looked at him expectantly. 

“Wait right now?” Sirius asked surprised. 

“Yes!” James exclaimed impatiently “let’s go we’re wasting time!!”

Remus rolled his eyes but he seemed calmer, as he sat back down on his bed. “It’s kinda late, James...”

“That’s what the cloak is for! Let’s gooo, Sirius”

“James—“ Remus began. 

Sirius wasn’t going to pass up a chance to stand closer to James, so ignoring Remus’s misgivings, the two of them set off down the staircase and to the portrait hole. Once by it, they checked no one was paying attention (since it was almost midnight, there were only a few older students studying in a corner of the common room), and they pulled the cloak over their heads. 

“Where are we going?” Sirius whispered as they set off down the corridor. 

“Well when I was learning how to become an animagus, I studied the theory in the library at first, but how I really began to get it was through practice, and obviously I couldn’t practice where someone could see, and so I was looking for an empty classroom or something one day when I found this special room. C’mon I’ll show you!” He took Sirius’s hand and they began to move quicker down the corridor and down two flights of stairs”. James’s hand felt right in his, warmer and a little softer than his own. Being this close to James, Sirius could smell his shampoo which was fresh and minty. Sirius tried to focus more on not tripping than on his sudden desire to pull James closer. 

Suddenly they stopped in front of a blank wall. Sirius turned to James looking confused, but he was looking at the wall intensely. He paced back and forth three times, pulling Sirius along. 

“James what—“

Suddenly a door appeared. James let go of Sirius’s hand. Sirius missed it already. They opened the door and entered the room, taking off the cloak. 

Sirius looked around, “damn” he said impressed. It was a much larger room than Sirius had expected. It had lots of pillows and bookcases lined the walls with hundreds of books in them. There were also a few odd circles drawn in chalk on the hardwood floor. There was even a couch and a fireplace in the corner. 

“You could practically live in here, mate” Sirius laughed. James was looking pleased at Sirius’s reaction. 

“Okay so these circles” James said walking up to them. “This is one of the main parts of the theory of becoming an animagus” he explained. Here let me get you that book, “accio, so you want to become an animagus”, a thick book came zooming over to James, now there’s a lot of books on becoming an animagus”, he was telling Sirius, who was trying really hard to focus because he cared a lot about this dammit, but also the prat was so attractive it was truly unfair. The golden lighting of this room made the dark stubble on his upper lip more noticeable which drew Sirius’s eyes to his lips which were almost cherry red. They looked so soft. Sirius wanted to lick them and bite them and—

“And that’s why this one is the best” James concluded and when he handed Sirius the book, Sirius shook himself slightly. No, he told himself sternly, you can think about kissing him later like in Binns’s class but right now we need to focus or you’ll end up looking like a damn fool. 

“Okay so there’s really three phases to becoming an animagus” he told Sirius “I mean obviously there’s technically a fourth stage where you make it legal with the ministry and blah blah blah, we don’t care about that part though” James told him laughing. Sirius laughed too. James’s eyes were glinting mischievously again. Sirius loved that look. 

“Okay so phase one: soul searching, phase two envisioning, phase three action. The circles in the ground are really for phase three. I can’t even tell you how many times I was part-deer part-human” James said eyes twinkling, but the circles sorta help with that because you twist into it, but we’ll get more into that later. The main thing is that you are patient with yourself” he told him seriously. “That was my main problem, I wanted to be able to help Remus quicker, so I kept trying to rush the process and getting frustrated with myself”. 

Sirius nodded, trying to take all of this information in. More than anything he wanted to impress James, but he knew this was really advanced magic, and that many full grown adult wizards couldn’t do it, so privately he felt pretty nervous. 

“Okay so tonight we can do your soul-searching quest. That book asks you a lot of deep and personal questions. I recommend you write your answers down”, as he said this, a long piece of parchment and a quill with a bottle of ink appeared. “I think it’ll help not to be alone when you do this because I was and it can be kinda intense, but if you want space and need me to leave just let me know” he told Sirius. 

Sirius nodded, thinking there was no way in hell would he tell James to leave even if he started doing something really obnoxious. It would probably still be cute, the prat. 

They moved to the couch and sat down less than a foot a way from each other. Sirius opened the book. He could feel James’s body heat. He took a steadying breath. Sirius quickly found the page where the soul-searching phase began and he began to answer the questions. The questions started off pretty basic: “what are some of your strengths?” And then got deep pretty quickly “what’re your greatest fears?” “Who are you, really?” “What is the purpose of life, according to you”. There were fifty some odd of these kinds of questions. Sirius and James sat in companionable silence for about two hours. The only sound was of Sirius’s quill scritching on the parchment, and James turning the page of the new edition of “which broomstick” which had also appeared out of thin air when they had sat down. 

Finally, and thank merlin too because Sirius was getting a slight headache, Sirius cleared his throat “okay now what?” He asked James. 

“Oh that was kinda fast, mate” James said sounding surprised. “Okay now this is the fun bit” he said animatedly, chucking his magazine down. “It’s also kinda intense, here” he took Sirius’s hand again. Sirius’s stomach flipped. “Okay so the spell is Anima mea, and you tap over your heart with intention three times to enter into your soul search” 

Sirius’s heart was racing. “Okay, Anima mea” Sirius recited as he tapped his chest three times focusing on his intention to search his soul whatever that meant. 

Sirius felt like he navel was being dragged forward with a hook and suddenly he was falling but he still felt James’s warm hand grounding him. 

Visions swirled in front of him. Indistinguishable shapes and colors flying by. Then coming into focus. His mother’s livid face was shouting at him all the horrible things she said before he left France.  
“VOUS ÊTES UNE DÉCEPTION ET UN DISGRACE VOUS N'ÊTES PAS SON FILS. TU ES UN PÉDÉ ET TU ME DÉGOÛTE  
JE NE VEUX PLUS JAMAIS VOUS REVOIR”

Sirius’s eyes stung with unshed tears and he clasped James’s hand tighter. 

His mother’s face faded. James’s beautiful face came into focus laughing with his eyes twinkling with mischief “you have really pretty eyes and I’m happy you joined the group”. There he was spitting water in Sirius’s face. There he was running his hand through his hair. There he was playing with that snitch. There he was licking his top lip. Slowly he faded away too. 

Regulus’s face appeared. Flashes of good memories from Sirius’s childhood. Playing exploding snap, playing 1 on 1 quidditch in their orchard, helping each other with homework at Beauxbatons. Then Regulus’s face when he realized Sirius was leaving. Sirius felt his eyes well up again, and he let the tears fall this time.  
He felt like this was what he didn’t know he needed. 

Other images began to swarm in. There was a Muggle motorbike. There were his old friends Gabrielle and Pierre from Beauxbatons. Remus’s face and Lily’s face and Marlene’s and Dorcas’s. There was James’s face again. The smell of minty shampoo filled Sirius’s nose. Then the smell of his mother’s bouillabaisse. The smell of leather. Then the images stopped and colors began to swirl so fast, Sirius felt sick. 

Words he had written earlier began to play loudly in his head “I’m brave” “I care about doing the right thing, I guess” “loyalty is important to me” “I don’t care much for the rules” and suddenly a big, dark shape began to emerge. And Sirius knew this was it, his animal form. Sirius thought at first that it was bear but as the image became clearer it was clear that it was a big, shaggy black dog. Sirius felt this odd sense of relief and understanding. Then he was falling backwards, back onto the couch. If his head hurt before this it was nothing like it did now. It was pounding. He clutched his head and tried to breath in deeply. It felt like he had been underwater. 

“I know. Here this helps, it’s pepper up potion” James said quietly,  
handing him a small bottle. 

“Thanks mate” Sirius gulped down the potion. Instantly, his pounding headache began to clear. 

“Well, what’s your form?” James asked excitedly once Sirius had finished the potion and wasn’t holding his head any longer. 

“A big black dog” Sirius said smiling. 

“Nice one, mate! That fits you”

“Thanks”

“Alright should we go back to bed?”

“Yeah I guess” Sirius smirked at James, and they set off. 

———————  
The next day found Sirius and James dead exhausted. Remus was a smug bastard about it. 

“I did tell you it was kinda late” Remus said smirking at their pale faces at breakfast. 

“Shove off, moony” James grumbled rubbing his eyes, and taking a sip of his pumpkin juice. 

“We’re doing this to support you anyways” Sirius told Remus quietly. 

“Oh please, you two just want to go on an adventure but want a noble excuse to do it” Remus scoffed, biting into his toast. 

“Sounds like them! What’re we talking about?” Dorcas and Lily had arrived to breakfast, holding hands. They slipped next to Remus at the table. 

“Oh hey you two” James said yawning. “That’s actually something we wanted to talk about! Meet us tonight, around eight o’clock, seventh floor opposite that tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by those trolls." 

“What?” Lily asked looking confused. 

“Whelp we best be off to charms” Remus told the others standing up. James and Sirius groaned, grabbing their bags. Lily and Dorcas grabbed their pieces of toast and bags and followed them. 

A little while later found James and Sirius trying not to nod off while Flitwick told them all about how to make their teacups sprout legs. So pointless, Sirius thought sleepily. Sirius was so tempted to put his head on James’s shoulder. It looked so soft. 

“Mr. Black, why don’t you show us how it’s done please” came Flitwick’s squeaky voice. Sirius jerked, startled. The class was watching him. James was smirking at him. Fuck. 

“Addicio crura” Sirius muttered tapping his teacup. His tea cup grew two short, stubby, purple, hairy legs that didn’t quite reach the desk, just wiggled helplessly. The class tittered. 

“Alright, practice that Mr. Black, and the rest of you go on practice, make sure you pronounce it clearly as well” Flitwick told them. The classroom was filled with sounds of students muttering and wands tapping teacups and laughter. Sirius wanted to sleep so badly. 

“Fuck I’m tired, mate” Sirius complained to James for the millionth time that morning. 

“Me too, but it’ll be worth it when we can spend time with Moony” he muttered back. James tapped his teacup and it grew three thin, pink legs which were long enough to touch the desk but they trembled under the weight of the cup.  
“Speaking of which let me tell you about phase two”. He cast a muffliato charm so they wouldn’t be overheard. And told Sirius all about how he needs to spend everyday envisioning himself as a dog saying the words: Amato Animo Animato Animagus. He explained how he had rushed this phase because it seemed pointless, but how he couldn’t get anywhere with the third phase until he had done this phase properly. Sirius nodded, taking all of this in, suddenly feeling more alert. 

By the end of the class, they hadn’t made much progress with their teacups, and Flitwick told them all to practice because it would be on their OWLs. 

Eight o’clock that night found James, Sirius, and Remus outside that bare stretch of wall again. Dorcas, Lily, and Marlene were hurrying towards them. 

“Wotcher boys” Dorcas called.  
“What’re we doing here?”, asked Marlene.  
Instead of answering, James paced three times in front of the space until a door appeared again. 

“The come and go room!” Lily gasped. “I always thought it was a myth”. They followed James into the room. 

“Wow” Dorcas breathed impressed looking around. Lily and Marlene had similar expressions on their faces. 

“How did you find it?” Marlene asked James. 

“Well okay, you all know about Remus’s er furry little problem”

Remus rolled his eyes muttering something that sounded like James. 

“Well I wanted to be able to be there for him, but obviously that wouldn’t be safe in my human form. So I decided to learn to become an animagus”

Lily nodded like she already suspected this.  
Marlene said “but you need to register with the ministry and you’re underage!”  
“That’s bloody brilliant” Dorcas breathed.

“You succeeded then?” Lily asked but it wasn’t really a question. 

“Of course I did, Lils” James scoffed, running a hand through his hair. 

All of them rolled their eyes at each other as if on cue. 

“Took him a while though” Remus teased. 

“Hey it’s pretty advanced magic, Moony, I’d like to see how long it would take you! Besides I basically had to teach myself. Which lucky for you guys, you won’t have to do”

“Wait what” Marlene said sounding startled. 

“Well that’s why I’ve asked you all to come here tonight, this is where I learned, so if you want I can teach you. Remus is no longer comfortable with me trying to keep him safe alone. Sirius is already learning” James told them all, shooting Sirius a small smile. Sirius’s stomach lurched. 

“No way” Marlene said hastily. “Did you know that if you mess it up you can be stuck between human and animal?” She told them. “Besides it’s illegal, this isn’t just a school rule you’re breaking, it’s the law!”

“Nah you can’t that’s just a myth, and it’s fine Marlene, no one will catch us, we’ll be super careful” James brushed her off. 

“Marlene, it’s your choice you don’t have to do this. I know it’s crazy” Remus told her. 

Dorcas who had been whispering something to Lily, looked up beaming, “I’m in”

“Me too” Lily said “but on a few conditions. First, we don’t tell anyone else about this. No siblings. No other friends. No one. Second, we only ever transition in the forest, or where no one could see us do it. Third, we only ever transition to help Remus, or if it’s an actual emergency”. 

“Easy, done” James agreed. Sirius nodded quickly. Dorcas squeezed Lily’s hand. 

“Okay I’m gonna wait until I see that you guys don’t die trying and then maybe” Marlene said. 

“Fair enough” James said shrugging. Then he spun on the spot and before them was a beautiful deer. 

Sirius inhaled sharply. It was incredible magic. Dorcas was bouncing up and down slightly. Marlene was looking both impressed and nervous. 

Remus turned to Lily, “in the forest you called James dear, and you paused and I could’ve sworn you knew somehow”. 

Lily flushed. James shifted back to his human form, looking at Lily curiously. 

“I, I, can’t explain it. I just randomly called him that, but then I did somehow have this sudden feeling that it was Right somehow in a deeper sense”. 

“Interesting” Remus said looking thoughtful. 

“Maybe you’re a Seer” Dorcas said excitedly. 

Lily shook her head. “No I’ve never had any visions or anything.”

“Hm” Sirius said thinking.

“Well, maybe you just have a sixth sense or something, Lils, anyways do you guys wanna start phase one?” James began to explain everything he had told Sirius last night. Sirius caught a little more on why that particular book was James’s favorite this time. Then they all headed to the couch which immediately got longer so they could all fit comfortably. As Lily and Dorcas answered the questions, the others pulled out their homework. Professor Slughorn had assigned an particularly lengthy essay on the strengthening solution. For a while all that could be heard was the sound of quills on parchment, and the occasional turning of the page of a book. 

Finally, Dorcas and then Lily were done. James explained how to enter the soul searching quest and how emotionally intense it can be. The two girls looked a little nervous as they clasped each other’s hands and tapped their chests with their wands. 

Sirius couldn’t focus on his essay after that. He had wondered what he looked like to James last night and now he knew. Dorcas’s and Lily’s eyes were no longer their normal colors they were full of rainbows. They both looked transfixed. It was kinda cool but kinda scary at the same time. 

Lily began to cry. Tears pouring down her face. Dorcas was smiling shyly. Then their expressions changed. Lily was laughing. Dorcas was looking terrified. Sirius wondered what they could see that he couldn’t. He looked over at James who was watching them too. Marlene was watching them with her mouth open slightly. Remus was still writing his essay, seemingly unbothered. This continued for a while. Marlene, James, and himself tried to refocus on their essays but kept glancing at the girls every so often. Their expressions kept changing. Dorcas cried at one point as well. Eventually, Dorcas gasped and suddenly her eyes were back to their normal color, but she was grabbing her head. Lily let out a soft “oh” and her eyes cleared as well. James gave them both some pepper up potion. 

Sirius gave them both a minute to get their bearings and rid themselves of their respective headaches before prompting them, “well?” 

James looked at them excitedly. Even Remus looked up from his parchment. 

“I’m a gazelle!” Dorcas exclaimed. 

“Ooh we’re kinda similar” James responded enthusiastically, giving her high five. 

“What about you, Lils” Marlene asked her. 

“I’m a horse” she smiled at them all. 

“Nice one” Sirius told her. 

“It means a lot, you guys doing all this for me” Remus said suddenly, voice almost wavering, “Thank you.”

“We love you, mate” James said patting his arm. 

“Love you!” Dorcas said going over with Lily to hug him. Sirius smiled at him in what he hoped was a reassuring way. He couldn’t wait until they all could take their animal forms, except he felt a little bad about being excited about that because he knew how painful it was for Remus, but at least they could be there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I set canon on fire in this chapter. Animagus potion? Don’t know her. Instead I blended together therapy, magic-like acid trips, portkeys, and apparition. Because that’s more fun. No one wants to have to keep a leaf in their mouth for a month, okay??
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments! What should happen next?


	6. Holidays and Gender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to be more inclusive by including Hanukkah, Kwanza, but please let me know if need to fix anything. I tried to make it accurate but I’ve never personally practiced either of these holidays.
> 
> Also sorry for any typos
> 
> I wanted to explore writing a genderqueer character, but also bc let's write as many of JKR's characters as trans/gender nonconforming bc fuck her transphobic beliefs.

Christmas was approaching quickly. The months had gone by quickly since Sirius first came to Hogwarts. Hagrid had brought in twelve Christmas trees into the Great Hall. However, there were also several kinaras and menorahs around the castle as well. A new candle was magically lit each day in the correct order. It was a truly festive and magical atmosphere. Sirius loved it. While Beauxbatons had great ice sculptures, the atmosphere was no where near as welcoming and as cheery. 

Unfortunately, most of the professors did not get into this festive spirit. They were still piling on the homework. They consistently reminded them about their looming OWL exams, but the students cared less and less as they got closer to the holidays. 

“You going back to France for Christmas, Sirius?” Marlene asked him one afternoon, about a week before break, at lunch. Sirius’s stomach dropped. He didn’t look up from his Shepard’s pie. Instead he dug his nails into his palm to try to stop himself from thinking about his childhood memories of Christmas: opening presents with Reg, drinking too much egg nog with Reg, playing chess with Reg—it was mostly Reg he missed. His dad was never there, too busy with his new wife to bother with them, even at Christmas. And his mother was absent most of the time even when she was there, that or Reg and him would wish she was. He shuddered. He should write to Regulus again though. Merlin, first Christmas without him. He hadn’t really thought about that. Then he remembered he was just asked a question. He looked up to find most of his friends looking at him oddly. 

“Oh er no” he answered awkwardly. “I’ll probably just stay here...what about you all?” he asked, eager to move their focus off of him. 

“Yeah I’m going back home” Marlene answered animatedly. “My older brother, Marcus, always tells us the funniest stories from the ministry, and my mum makes the best treacle tart”. 

“Of course, gotta see my parents, they worry about me” Remus put in, briefly looking up from his book. 

“Me too, Dor is gonna come visit me though, and meet my parents! I wish you could meet Tuney, but she never comes over anymore” Lily trailed off looking sad. 

Dorcas put her arm around Lily. “Yeah I’m excited to see my mum and my baby brother, and I can’t wait to meet Lil’s parents” she told them beaming. 

“What’re we talking about?” James strolled up, pumpkin juice in hand, he had been down at the other end of the Gryffindor table discussing tactics with the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team. 

They had their first game of the season coming up in three days against Slytherin. Amelia King, their captain, was determined to win because it was her last year at Hogwarts. James had been complaining all week about the rigorous training they were putting in. Remus has muttered something about “show off” which had made Sirius smile. If Sirius privately thought that James looked particularly attractive after practice each night with cheeks pink from the cold, chapped lips, and hair windswept, no one needed to know that. 

“We were talking about Christmas plans” Remus told him. 

“Sirius is staying here by himself” Marlene added, much to Sirius’s annoyance. Sirius flushed and avoided eye contact with everyone. 

“Don’t be thick, Marlene, he can come to my house for Christmas...that is if he wants to” James now sounded awkward. 

Sirius looked up surprised but pleased. “‘Course I want to” he told him, beaming. His stomach was fluttering.

“Brilliant, that’s settled then” James gave Sirius his shy half-smile. “I don’t have any siblings so it’ll just be my mum and dad, and me, but I’m sure they’ll be happy to have you. My mum loves having guests. I’ll send an owl though”.

“Uh I know Professor Slughorn is getting more relaxed because of the holidays and everything guys, but even he won’t be pleased if we’re late to class—let’s go” Lily cut in suddenly. 

—————

Later that night found the group in their typical spots by the fire in the common room. James was still at practice. Lily and Dorcas were curled in an arm chair together. Dorcas had her eyes closed head resting on Lily’s shoulder, but Lily was reading Intermediate Transfiguration. 

Marlene was sprawled out by the fire, writing something—a letter? hurriedly on her parchment. 

Remus was looking into the fire, seemingly lost in thought. 

Sirius needed to finish his Astronomy essay, but he couldn’t focus. He had been practicing envisioning himself as the black dog for phase two for a while now, and he wanted to tell James he thought he may be ready for phase three. He was also excited for Christmas with James, maybe a little nervous too. 

The portrait hole swung open. The Gryffindor quidditch team came tumbling in looking exhausted and wind-swept. James was talking to Benjy Fenwick, their seeker. James once again looked so attractive, Sirius had to force himself not to sigh. His dark curls were messier than ever, his cheeks flushed from the cold, his hazel eyes were alight with passion as he talked to Benjy, his arms doing large sweeping gestures.

Remus coughed. Sirius startled, realizing he had been staring. Remus was looking at him smirking, eyebrow slightly raised. 

“What” Sirius asked him defensively.

“Nothing” Remus said smiling softly. 

“Well we’re off to bed” Lily told the group, taking a very sleepy-looking Dorcas’s hand and helping her out of the armchair. 

“Night” Remus and Sirius told them

“I’ll be right there, I just wanna finish this letter” Marlene called. 

“Hey” James said joining them “my mum wrote back, she’s cool with you coming” he told Sirius enthusiastically. 

“Brilliant, thanks mate” Sirius responded beaming at him. “Also I was thinking, I might be ready to try phase three—maybe we can work on that over the holidays?” Sirius asked him. 

“Sure!” James agreed.

“Night, guys” Marlene told them as she headed upstairs 

They bade her goodnight. 

“I have to tell you two something ” Remus said suddenly. He cast a muffliato charm.

James eyebrows shot up. “We already know you’re about your furry little problem, mate” James teased him. 

Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius laughed. “No er I don’t know how to explain this...I er I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I don’t think I’m really a bloke I mean not really, but I’m not really a girl either though...” Remus trailed off looking into the fire again eyebrows furrowed. 

“Okay..” James said shrugging. 

“Are you genderfluid then?” Sirius asked. “My friend Pierre is genderfluid, they use they/them pronouns. Would you like us to start using they/them pronouns for you?” 

Remus smiled. “Yeah maybe we could try that out and see how it feels for me?” they said hesitantly. 

“Sure, mate” James agreed “wait how do you feel about the term mate?” he asked them seriously. 

“Mate is fine, and you two are the best thank you”

“Okay so should we use “he” around other people still because you’re not out yet or how do you feel about all that?” Sirius asked. 

“Yeah I was thinking about that” Remus said and I think for now maybe just around the group, I’m not sure I want everyone to know yet. I’ll tell the girls soon though and my parents during the break. Just wanted to tell you two first” they said smiling. 

“Thanks, mate, love you always” James said, getting up to hug them. 

“So sappy, James” they said but they looked pleased. 

Sirius hugged Remus too, “thanks for trusting us”

“You guys are my best friends of course I trust you” Remus replied smiling. Sirius reflected again how happy he was that he transferred.


	7. Quidditch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: queer used as a slur and some ableist language

Twenty galleons Gryffindor wins” Dorcas was saying, the morning of the match against Slytherin. 

“You’re on” Marlene said smiling smugly. 

“You’re gonna bet against me, Marls?” James asked pouting at her, laughing. “Do you know how hard we’ve been training?”

“Oh not this again” Lily teased. 

“According to Mary McDonald most of the school is expecting Slytherin to win based on last year’s match, sorry James” Marlene said shrugging. “Also I need money for Christmas gifts” she laughed. “Well I’m off to place more bets, see you all in the stands, good luck, James” she left. 

“What happened last year?” Sirius asked curiously. 

“Oh man, Fenwick got concussed by a bludger twenty minutes in, so Slytherin ended up winning by more than 200 points” Dorcas told him, shuddering at the memory. 

“Okay that’s enough of that, don’t jinx us” James told them. “Anyways I’m off”

“Good luck, mate” Sirius told him. “I believe in you”, he put his hand on his arm. James looked at him with an unreadable yet intense look. Sirius had never wanted to kiss anyone more. His heart was racing. James’s lips were so red from biting them from nerves. 

“Good luck, mate” Remus called, breaking Sirius out of his thoughts. He looked away quickly, letting go of James’s arm. “Good luck” the girls chimed in. 

James cleared his throat. “Thanks!” He headed out. Remus was looking at Sirius with a knowing look on their face again. 

“What?!” Sirius asked them a bit more sharply than he intended. 

Remus just shook their head.

“Shall we go get seats?” Lily asked the group. They headed out. 

Sirius generally ignored the other students at Hogwarts. Especially, the Slytherins. The whole lot of them reminded him of his family. Prejudiced, selfish, and cruel. Unfortunately, sometimes they couldn’t be ignored. The Gryffindor vs Slytherin game always brought out the rivalry between the houses, which generally meant more incidents of bullying. In this way, Beauxbatons had it right in Sirius’s opinion. Houses just created more reason to bully others. 

Snape, Avery, and Mulciber blocked their way as they headed to the stands. Sirius felt irritation boil inside of him. 

“We’re hoping that idiotic seeker of yours gets knocked off his broom completely this time” Snape told them, smirking at them. 

“Yeah fifty galleons—“ Avery began.

“I’m sure you are hoping for that, since it’ll be the only way your team wins” Lily scoffed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. Sirius and Dorcas laughed. 

“No one asked you, Mudblood” Mulciber sneered at her. 

Dorcas had her wand at Mulciber’s throat so fast. 

“Dor, it’s not worth it” Lily said eyes wide, tugging on Dorcas’s arm. 

“Yeah Dor, it’s okay I got this. Mulciber you forget that I’m a prefect. That’ll be 30 points from Slytherin, and I’m sure I can get you detention with Mcgonagall if you keep using heinous words”. Remus said swiftly, steel in their voice. 

Dorcas had dropped her arm but was still holding her wand. Mulciber was looking livid. 

“Y-you” he spluttered with rage. 

“Just leave it” Avery muttered to him. 

“Now, let us pass” Sirius put in. A crowd had begun to form around them because they were blocking the way to the stands. 

“Black, you’re such a disappointment. When I heard there was one of the infamous French Blacks coming to Hogwarts, I thought finally, someone worthy to run this school, but then you made friends with this lot—full of Mudbloods, blood traitors, and queers” Snape spit at them. Some of the students around them gasped. Sirius felt nauseous. 

“That’s it Snape I already warned Mulciber, or did your greasy hair block your hearing, I’ll have to report you to Mcgonagall, this kind of hate speech is just unacceptable” Remus’s voice was calm but icy.

“Fuck you, you invalid” There was a bang. Several people screamed. There was a flash of purple light, and Remus fell over. 

“Remus!” Lily and Sirius screamed in horror. There was another bang. Mulciber’s face was suddenly covered in bat boogies. Snape and Avery looked like they wanted to kill Dorcas. Sirius quickly bent down to check on Remus. Their legs were locked together, but seemed otherwise unharmed. Sirius helped them stand. 

“OUT OF MY WAY, MOVE, THAT IS ENOUGH” Professor Mcgonagall had arrived looking severe. “Will someone please explain what is happening here?” She waved her wand to undo the effects of both the leg locking hex and the bat-boogies. 

“This girl just attacked me, Professor” Mulciber began. Snape and Avery were nodding their heads.

“Professor, they were provoked” a Hufflepuff from the crowd piped up. 

“I do hope it wasn’t something about quidditch” Mcgonagall said sharply. 

“They called us Mudbloods, blood traitors, queers, and invalids” Remus told her quietly “I told them that language wasn’t tolerated and I took 30 points, and they used it again so I told them I would tell you and that’s when they hexed me” the other nodded, including some of the students in the crowd, Sirius noticed. The three Slytherins were white with rage. 

“Professor, the bat bogey hex was me, I couldn’t just let them attack Remus like that” Dorcas explained. 

“Thank you for telling me the truth”, she told them, “Dorcas you cannot just attack other students no matter what they say, 20 points from Gryffindor. You three-two weeks of detention, my office, 8 pm. Also fifty points from Slytherin. That kind of language is never tolerated here at Hogwarts. Now, I believe we have a game to watch” she motioned her hand to disperse the crowd. The Slytherins stalked off looking furious. The other students slowly dispersed. 

“You four-“ Mcgonagall stopped them again once the crowd had cleared. Sirius looked confusedly at Remus who shrugged. “Let me know need anything, I know that kind of hate speech can be very damaging” she told them kindly. 

“Thank you, Professor” Lily replied smiling. She nodded briskly and then left them. 

“Never a dull moment at Hogwarts” Remus laughed, shaking their head. 

“I wish I could’ve jinxed another one of their swarmy faces” Dorcas said wistfully. 

“Dor no” Lily said shaking her head and taking her hand. 

“Let’s get some seats before they’re all taken” Sirius said hastily. 

————  
The match was spectacular. Sirius could honestly watch James fly all day. He was incredibly graceful. Streaking across the pitch elegantly, weaving in and out, around other players, dodging bludgers, passing the quaffle. Sirius thought even Regulus would be impressed. He made a particularly impressive play when he pretended to throw the quaffle to his teammate, Gideon Prewett, so that the two nearest Slytherin chasers sped towards Prewett by the time they realized he didn’t have the ball, James had successfully scored. 

James and the Prewett brothers were a great team, their long practices paying off, with the amount of seamless plays they executed. Amelia King made some impressive saves especially against Lucius Malfoy, the Slytherin Captain, who was an annoyingly good chaser, who scored the majority of Slytherin’s points. 

Regulus was definitely a better seeker though, Sirius smirked. His chest hurt at the thought of Reg. He missed his brother so much. The game went longer than it would have if Reg had been playing, but Gryffindor did end up winning by a hundred and sixty points!

————  
James POV

They had done it! They’d beat Slytherin! And by a hundred and sixty points no less! The long practices really had paid off. The team almost crashed to the ground as they all hugged each other. Amelia was beaming. 

“This isn’t over though guys we still have two more games to win before that cup is ours” She told them, looking like she was fighting a smile. 

“Aw c’mon, Amelia, we have until February” James told her, rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah it’s time to celebrate! Let’s get the butterbeer, party in the common room!” Fabian called to the crowd to responding cheers from the Gryffindors. 

“I’ll get the staff to make us some pies and biscuits” Simone, one of the beaters told them all.

James just wanted to see Sirius. He pushed through the crowd to find him. 

“Well what’d you think of your first Hogwarts quidditch game?” He asked him suddenly feeling shy, he ran his hand through his hair, as the group made their way back to the castle. God he probably looked so gross and sweaty. Meanwhile, there was Sirius looking ridiculously attractive as usual. His sharp jawline and cheekbones more pronounced by the bright lighting of the midday sun. He was smirking at him which made James’s stomach flip. 

“You were bloody brilliant, mate” he told him beaming at him. 

Sirius thought he was brilliant! James honestly felt invincible. You really think so?” James checked. 

Remus scoffed next to him. “You know you were, mate”. 

“He just likes to fish for compliments” Marlene said in a carrying whisper, from behind them. The group laughed. James flushed. “Do not, I just wanted his opinion” he said defensively. 

“I’m sure you do” Lily said exchanging a significant glance with Remus. James glared at the pair of them. Dorcas was giggling. Sirius was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face, James noticed suddenly. He cleared his throat, “You know who was brilliant, Amelia”. They talked all about the game as they made their way back to the common room.

The party lasted until 2 am when Mcgonagall came in, in her dressing gown and told them all to go to bed.


	8. Snowball fights, Music, and Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: slight and I mean TINY suicidal thought mention (Sirius over identifies with that line in Bohemian Rhapsody: I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all)  
> I added a suicidal thought tag Let me know if you all need more tags or anything else!  
> This one is a bit more angsty than usual sorry but we have to develop The Plot or whatever lol.  
> See the end for more details on delusions (sorta spoilers)

James POV

It was the last day before winter break, and it was snowing. James beamed. “SNOWBALL FIGHT!” He called to the others, racing out the great oak front doors. 

Sirius was at his heels, as was Dorcas. Remus was rolling their eyes and trailing behind chatting with Lily and Marlene. 

THUD, James felt snow sticking to his hair, and he spun around to see Sirius raising his eyebrows at him and smirking. Oh it was so on. 

James pretended to throw his snowball at Sirius who ducked and then he lobbed it at his face, hitting him right in his annoyingly perfect nose. Sirius mock glared at him.

Dorcas had made her way over to the others. The girls decided to try to bewitch a snowman so that it waved. 

James was watching this when Remus hit him in the face with a snowball. 

“Oi!” he threw one back at them but he missed. 

Then Remus and Sirius seemed to decide to gang up on him which wasn’t fair at all.  
They were laughing as they threw snowball after snowball at him. 

James would show them! He threw one and it hit Remus on the shoulder. He threw one at Sirius which hit the side of his face. The snow clung to his long dark lashes. James felt his breath catch and his heart speed up. Sirius was so beautiful, it was unfair. Remus hit him hard in the face with another snowball. James wiped the snow from his eyes to see Remus smirking at him. James threw one at their face, and then without thinking about it, he tackled Sirius to the ground and mashed snow in his hair. He laughed as Sirius complained that he was messing up his hair. The white was a stark contrast to his thick dark hair; it made him look angelic. James suddenly realized he was on top of Sirius and felt his face go hot. He cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to untangle his legs from Sirius’s. When Remus jumped on top of them, throwing snow in both of their faces and cackling. “Whelp I think I won that one, lads” Remus said smugly helping them up.

“Not so fast” James retorted. 

They threw snowball after snowball at each other, the girls eventually joining in, until they were all drenched and shivering. 

“Let’s sneak down to the kitchens to get some butterbeer to warm ourselves up” Dorcas told the others as they made their way back into the castle. 

“Oh I can take care of that” Lily replied and she performed a quick warming spell so that their robes suddenly felt like they had been in the sun all day. 

“You’re so brilliant” Dorcas said kissing her. 

“I still want butterbeer though” James said laughing. The others agreed and they set off towards the kitchens.  
((Side note: in this universe the staff of the kitchens are wizards and witches and non-binary magical folk who are brilliant at cooking, and Dumbledore pays them all very well and they all have many vacation days. (Fuck slavery and racism))

———————-  
Sirius had had to use the loo after several butterbeers, so he had parted ways with the group. As he headed back to the common room to pack, his mind was filled with what James and him would get up to over break. Sirius hoped they could do another camping trip and maybe they could find another reason to use James’s cloak. Mostly he was looking forward to getting to spend time with just James. He was thinking again about how good he had looked when he was on top of Sirius earlier, when Sirius heard someone crying. The sound was coming from a nearby classroom. Sirius rapped on the door. 

“You okay in there? Er can I help?” He asked awkwardly. He was never very good at comforting people, but it seemed the decent thing to do. 

“Sirius?” Marlene pushed open the door. Her blue eyes were red from crying. 

“Marlene, what’s wrong?” he asked concerned. 

She sighed, “here come in”

They sat on top of some desks. Marlene pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Sirius crossed his legs and waited. 

“Okay you know how I told you about my brother Marcus?”

Sirius nodded, “yeah the funny one”

Marlene looked so terribly sad. “Yeah—he—“ some tears slid down her face. 

Sirius waited patiently, he patted her arm in a way he hoped was comforting. 

“Okay I’ll tell you but you have to promise not to tell anyone, even the others in the group. I’m just not ready for anyone to know yet, okay?”

Sirius nodded, “I solemnly swear”, he tried his best to keep a straight face. She hit him but she did smile a little, so it had its intended purpose. “I mean it, you prat, this is serious-don’t!” She added quickly so he wouldn’t make his usual joke. 

“Okay sorry I promise” he told her. 

She was staring at her knees looking a lot older than fifteen. 

“Marcus he’s uh he’s sick” she was still looking so terribly sad. 

“Sick with what? Is he at St Mungo’s? Is it serious?” Sirius asked her quickly. He felt nervous on her behalf.

“Er my mum says he has a mental disorder called schizophrenia. He started acting kinda funny at work, thinking people are trying to read his mind and stuff. But you know mental disorders aren’t really talked about in the wizarding world. I mean there’s stigma in the muggle world too but it’s worse in our world. Anyways, it got to the point where he was convinced people at the ministry were trying to kill him, so now he refuses to go to work. He barely leaves his flat. He got fired from his job because he stopped showing up. My mum is really worried about him, but we don’t know what to do. St. Mungo’s would probably want to keep him permanently in the ward. My mum doesn’t want that for him, but she’s worried he might become a danger to himself. She’s worried he’s not taking care of himself at all” here she closed her eyes. “Sirius, I don’t know what to do”. 

Merlin, that sucked he thought. “Fuck, I’m really sorry Marlene”. He thought for a minute. “Has your mom thought about muggle options?” He asked her. 

“I’m not sure. I don’t think she knows much about them, neither do I really” Marlene said scrunching her forehead thinking. 

“Well I looked into muggle psychotherapy one time because I er was struggling with all the shit my darling mum put me through, and it looked pretty progressive. He could probably do outpatient psychotherapy in London” he told her, trying to lightly skate over his mummy issues. 

“Did you ever go? What was it like?” Marlene asked 

“Oh er no I kinda chickened out” he flushed, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

“That’s it then” Marlene said smiling at him a little, though her eyes still looked sad. “Let’s make a pact, this winter break we both try muggle psychotherapy. It can’t hurt, and that way I can honestly tell Marcus I tried it”

“Alright, deal” Sirius agreed “but in the mean time someone should be with him. Maybe your mum could talk to him about having a healer check on him? Do you think he would even trust that though? I’m just concerned for his immediate safety. Maybe he should go to St Mungo’s just for a little while?” Sirius asked her. 

Marlene sighed and pressed her hands against her eyes. “Yeahh I’ll floo my mum, and I’ll ask her what she thinks. I agree he can’t be alone right now”. 

Sirius wrapped his arms around her. “I’m really sorry this is happening. It’s so intense, and I’m here for you.” She sighed again and patted his arm, “thanks Sirius, that means a lot. Well I better go floo my mum, I’ll see you at dinner?”

“Yep, see you” he agreed, letting her go and watching as she got down from the desk and headed out, she stopped by the door, she gave him a half smile. “Thanks again, Sirius, I’m so grateful you transferred to Hogwarts” Sirius smiled at her brightly, “me too”. 

——————  
Sirius had been a little nervous that it might be awkward once it was just James and him without the others, but it wasn’t. They could chat easily about any topic or even just sit in companionable silence for a while. It was so natural to be with James, it felt like they had been friends for years. 

Currently, they were laying on James’s bedroom floor listening to the brand new muggle record, Fleetwood Mac, they had just acquired. 

It was the third day of winter break. Sirius had adjusted pretty well to being at the Potter’s home. Mr. and Mrs. Potter or Fleamont and Euphemia as they told Sirius they preferred to be called were extremely welcoming. Mostly they left Sirius and James alone except for at mealtimes when Euphemia would try to make Sirius eat second or even third helpings of whatever they were having. Honestly, James didn’t even know how lucky he was. 

James had an impressive record collection: Let me touch your mind by Tina Turner and Ike, Aretha Franklin’s Amazing Grace, Young, Gifted, and Black, and Let me in Your Life, Promised Land by Elvis Presley, Dolly Parton’s Jolene, Let It Be, Abbey Road, and Yellow Submarine by the Beatles, and he had just acquired: ABBA the album, Pink Floyd’s wish you were here, Queen’s A Night at the Opera, ELO’s Face the Music, and Elton John’s Captain Fantastic, and Fleetwood Mac the album.  
His parents gave him a bunch of muggle money to buy the records as an early Christmas gift. Like Sirius said, he didn’t even know his privilege.

“This is hands down the best one on the album” James was saying, stretched out, arms behind his head, closing his eyes. A small expanse of tan skin was showing between James’s t shirt and his trousers, and Sirius could see his plaid boxers. Sirius looked away quickly. 

“Pft Landslide is great but Rhiannon is literally about us, and it references quidditch “taken by the wind” I mean c’mon! They must have a friend in our world—it’s brilliant mate, you gotta admit” Sirius argued back. 

“No it absolutely is, but there’s just something~ about Landslide it’s just calming, I could listen to it all day and never get sick of it” 

“Fair” Sirius conceded. “We have listened to it like three times already” he laughed. 

“Shhh let it sooth you” he said eyes still closed but he was smiling. 

“Maybe we should listen to one of the other albums eventually—“ Sirius smirked. “I should write Moony and let them know you’re torturing me by playing the same song over and over. They would understand my pain” he laughed “on a more serious note though, we should check in to see if they have come out to their parents yet”. 

James opened his eyes and a small crease formed on his forehead. “Yeah we should”. 

Sirius got up and grabbed some parchment and a quill and ink from James’s messy desk. He also stopped the record player from playing Landslide for the millionth time. 

“Noo” James complained when he turned it off. 

Sirius smirked. “Hmm I vote Queen”, he took it out of its case and placed it on the record player, setting down the needle. He sat back down. 

“Damn who do you think Freddie is talking about?” Sirius asked listening to Death on Two Legs

“I don’t know but he really hates them” James replied laughing “Okay how’s this: hey moony, Si and I are thinking of you”

Sirius’s stomach did a weird sorta somersault. Did James just give him a nickname? “Si?” He asked him smirking at him, trying to act like he was completely unaffected by this new name. 

Sirius could’ve sworn James looked nervous for a second, but the next second he was shooting him a cocky smirk. “It was shorter than writing out your whole name” James waved his hand at him vaguely. 

“Four more letters was too much work?” Sirius said without missing a beat, raising his eyebrows at him. 

Sirius was certain James was looking awkward now. He ran his hand through his hair “What you don’t like nicknames? Hold on—is he really singing about his car?” James added laughing at the song that was playing. 

Sirius laughed “yeah I guess and I didn’t say I didn’t like it” He smirked at him again. “You know I wanna get a muggle motorbike someday, I think if I ever do this is how I’ll feel about it” he laughed. 

“Okay then you’re officially Si. Tell me Si, why do you want one of those when you could just fly or apparate?” James asked him curiously. 

“Wait you need a nickname then. Also what if we don’t have others use them, they’re just like for us—is that weird?”

James smiled at him then, Sirius’s favorite smile, the smile he thought of as his, the little shy half smile. “No that’s brilliant, Si” he pushed up his glasses, “also you didn’t answer my question”

“Oh I don’t know it’s like an aesthetic thing? Besides I could probably figure out how to make it fly”

“Ooh wicked, if you do end up doing that you have to let me help”

“Obviously, Ja-Jamie? How do you feel about Jamie?” 

“Love it” James said running a hand through his hair, he was looking at Sirius sorta intensely.

“Si” he paused. 

“Jamie?”

“This song is about you! You’re my best friend”. 

Sirius face heated up. He shoved his arm. “Shut up, you prat, pretty sure he’s talking about his girlfriend” 

“Hm maybe, but you’re still my best friend”

“What about moony?” Sirius asked stubbornly, he wasn’t sure why this felt so important all of a sudden. “Who we still need to write to” he added. 

“I love moony but nah Si you get me more than anyone has ever gotten me” 

Sirius felt his stomach drop and his heart race. “Yeah?”

James was turning red now and wasn’t looking at him. He seemed more stiff than his usual lounge-like way of sitting “er yeah I mean I know my parents are happy you’re here I drive them crazy otherwise ha my mum said you’re like the brother I never had only I guess we get along better than brothers...” he trailed off awkwardly. 

Sirius’s stomach lurched and suddenly he wanted space from James. “Oh er thanks—gotta use the loo, I’ll be right back”

Sirius sat on the edge of the tub in the bathroom and put his hands over his face. Okay okay they were really close friends that was enough it was more than enough sure he had a stupid crush and thought about kissing him all the time and he was so bloody attractive but he would get over all that right? He had to. He didn’t wanna make James uncomfortable. He didn’t wanna ruin the comfortable and easy relationship they had. Besides James had said brothers. Sirius sighed. He was being so thick. He had to let this go. He took a deep steadying breath and stood up. He decided he would grab a snack from the kitchen before going back. Something comforting. He was opening a bag of crisps when he heard a tap on the kitchen window. 

A snowy white owl was there with a letter tied around its leg. Sirius slid the window open, and the bird hopped in. The letter was addressed to Sirius, he untied it and the owl flew off in search of food. 

Dear Sirius,

I wanted to remind you of our pact. I already made an appointment at London Central Mental Health for December 27, I suggest you try to get the same day and we can meet up. Update on Marcus: he’s in St Mungos, mum says she just won’t let them keep him in the ward forever. Once he is more stable he’ll move in with her and start psychotherapy. He’s already taking antipsychotics.  
I really do hope he starts to feel more like himself soon. I miss him. It’s really quiet and boring here without his funny jokes and stories. I kinda wish I had just stayed at Hogwarts, but my mum does need my help. Anyways, enough about me, I hope you’re having fun with James, and that he’s not driving you up the wall. Write back soon!

Marlene

PS their number is (020) 7268 8243 

Sirius smiled. He tucked the letter into his pocket, and went back to James’s room. 

“Took you long enough, mate, what happen did you fall in?” James joked “nevermind you need to hear this song—it’s brilliant!” His eyes were alight with passion like how they got when he was talking about quidditch. 

“Is this the real life, is just fantasy” James was swaying back and forth like he was in a trance. 

“Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me...MAMA!” 

Sirius began to sway too. “Damn” he murmured, “now this is A Song”

“It’s more than a song it’s a journey” James whispered in awe. “Aw this is the best part!” “Galileo! Galileo!”

“What is happening” Sirius laughed 

“Don’t question the genius” James replied. “The drama! It’s completely brilliant! I’ve never heard anything like it!”

They played it another three times coming up with silly dance moves which mostly involved dramatic arm movements. James jumped on his bed and pretended to play the guitar.

Sirius loved the line: “I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all” and lip synced that part passionately. Hm he may need to talk to his therapist about that. Speaking of which he needed to make that appointment. He would need to use a telephone to contact them because them being Muggles and everything.  
“Jamie, do your parents own a telephone?” He asked him sorta panting because they had just collapsed breathlessly laughing on his bed.  
James frowned at him “er yeah to keep appearances up for their muggle friends, why?”

“Oh just wanted to use it”

James looked at him strangely again. “Can’t you just floo whoever you need to talk to?” 

“No Jamie, I can’t stop asking stupid questions and tell me where your telephone is”

James huffed “It’s in the sitting room, c‘mon” He led him down the stairs and to a little room with squishy armchairs, a couch, a fireplace, and a teal princess telephone. 

He sat down and watched Sirius curiously. “Er Jamie could you go for a second this is kinda private”

James huffed again and left. Sirius pulled out Marlene’s letter and dialed the number and held his breath. 

“Hullo this is Central London Mental Health, Jenna speaking, how may I help you?”

“Er...I wanted to make an appointment” Sirius said awkwardly into the receiver. 

“Righto, what’s your name?”

“Sirius Black” and then he winced he probably should’ve used a fake name. 

“Huh that’s different” she commented lightly. “What day did you want?”

“Er December 27 if possible?”

“Okay and this will be your first appointment right, Mr. Black?” 

“Er yes I guess that was obvious” he laughed uncomfortably. 

“You’re alright” she told him nicely, “standard copay is £50 is that alright?” She asked him. 

“Yeah that’s fine” he said quickly. 

“Okay, do you care about the gender of the provider?” She asked him. 

“er” he hadn’t thought of that. “No I don’t think that matters to me” he told her honestly. 

“Alright, and what time of day would you prefer?”

“Er afternoon if it’s available” he told her, he hated getting up early. 

“2 o’clock work for you?”

“Yep that’s perfect” 

“Great, plan on getting here 25-30 minutes early to fill out some paperwork alright?”

“Okay” he agreed, still a little nervous. 

“Alright you’re all set. Do you need anything else today?”

“No that’s it, thanks” he mumbled. 

“No problem, and don’t worry all the therapists are really nice, you’ll be alright” she said kindly. 

“Er thanks—“

“Yep, we’ll see you soon, Mr. Black”

“Okay bye” Sirius hung up the phone and rubbed his face. Urg how uncomfortable! At least she had been nice. 

He made his way back to James’s room. 

“Hey mate, how’d your secret phone call go?” James asked him, sorta stiffly. 

“Oh er good I have to talk to you about that actually. I er I’m going to London er I’m meeting Marlene...Dec 27”

James seemed to stiffen even more. He didn’t look at Sirius. Instead he seemed to find his bedspread fascinating. He pulled at it. “Nice one mate” he said slowly. 

“Er I mean we’re just meeting to like talk maybe get a coffee I don’t know...” he trailed off uncomfortably. He didn’t wanna give James the wrong impression, but he also couldn’t tell him about the therapy pact because he had promised Marlene he wouldn’t tell anyone. 

“Right” James said. “I er I’m gonna go fly in the orchard, I er I’ll see you later alright?” He got up and left. Sirius felt confused and upset. 

———————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marlene’s brother experiences delusions/struggles with schizophrenia. It is not witnessed but there is some detail in the description of these delusions/paranoia. Please don’t read if this could trigger you.


	9. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I’m going to take a break from writing this for a bit sorry (personal life things happening). Anyways enjoy this little bit of Christmas fluff. I may be posting a new angsty fic soon though so look out for that! Thanks for all the support! As always feel free to comment if you find any typos or anything else!

It was unfair how attractive James looked when he was still waking up, rumpled from sleep with bed-head,pillow creases on his face, rubbing his eyes. 

It was Christmas Day! Last night had been lovely, but Sirius missed Regulus something fierce. Fleamont had made a delicious roast, and they had listened to the wireless, while sipping eggnog. 

Things seemed mostly better between him and James. Sirius wasn’t sure. James still seemed a little stiffer than usual though. 

“Happy Christmas, mate” James said around the toothbrush in his mouth. Why was that so cute, dammit, Sirius stomach lurched. 

“Happy Christmas, Jamie” Sirius could’ve sworn James blushed at him using his nickname, but he was ducking into the loo to spit the next moment so Sirius couldn’t be sure. 

“I got you something” Sirius told him trying to act unaffected by James’s well...everything, handing him his wrapped gift. 

“Ooh me too, let’s swap” James dug around in his trunk and handed him a smaller wrapped package. 

Sirius unwrapped the small rectangular gift to reveal...a mirror?

“Mate you think I’m this vain, I need a handheld mirror” Sirius scoffed but he was laughing. 

“James didn’t respond, too busy looking at the stack of paperback books Sirius had given him with a mix of confusion and curiosity. 

“Yeah I had an idea I thought you might like...it’ll allow us to do whatever we want without getting caught” he told him smirking at him. (Sirius was very proud of this idea okay?)

“Oh Si how well you know me” James said laughing. 

Sirius smiled at him a little shyly. “I was thinking, with the help of the others, we could probably figure out how to make a map of the castle where the people on it move—so that we know everyone’s location all the time. So I found those books at flourish and blotts, and I think they’ll be helpful in making it”

“This is absolutely brilliant, Sirius!” James said beaming at him. Sirius beamed back. “And while yes, you are a self-obsessed prat”

“Hey-“ Sirius protested laughing 

“That’s not what the mirror is for”, he rummaged around in his trunk again and pulled out an identical mirror of his own. “Si?”

James’s face appeared in the mirror in Sirius’s hand and his voice issued out. “This way we can get ahold of the other when we need to”

“Oh wicked” Sirius said smiling. “Thanks mate” he wanted to hug him but he suddenly felt awkward, so he ended up sorta patting him on the arm. Sirius avoided making eye contact with him and he cleared his throat. 

“Boys, come get some breakfast” Euphemia called from downstairs breaking the awkward moment. They put down their things, and bounded down the stairs together. 

“Happy Christmas!” Fleamont called to them from the kitchen table, sipping coffee. 

Euphemia hugged them both making Sirius flush. He really wasn’t used to parental affection. “Biscuits and gravy?” 

They loaded up their plates. “We’ll open presents after we eat” she told them. 

The biscuits were warm and buttery and the gravy was creamy and delicious. 

Fleamont waved his wand to clear the dishes and they began to wash and dry themselves in the kitchen. He waved his wand again and the biscuits and gravy began to put themselves into containers. 

They gathered around the tree afterwards. James received a ridiculous amount of presents: a new broom: the nimbus 1001, a new set of dress robes, a bunch of chocolate frogs, sugar-spun quills, and fizzing whizzbees. James hugged his parents and his mother kissed his cheek which made him look embarrassed. 

Sirius had a few presents as well. He unwrapped one to reveal a small model of a muggle motorbike that levitated off of his hand. Sirius felt a lump form in the back of his throat and his eyes prickled. 

“Is it okay?” Euphemia asked him anxiously. “James said you wanted one...” she trailed off uncertainly. 

Sirius cleared his throat and tried to wipe his eyes inconspicuously. “It’s absolutely brilliant, thank you so much”. He hugged her. Sirius opened his other gifts which were similar to James’s: a bunch of chocolate frogs, sugar-spun quills, and fizzing whizzbees, and a set of bottle green dress robes. 

“I hope they fit, we can always adjust them if not” Euphemia told him. “I was thinking they would be perfect for our annual New Years party”

“Party? I’m in” Sirius joked, “thank you for all of this” he told her seriously. 

Fleamont had bought Euphemia a beautiful emerald necklace as well as making her a new perfume. She teared up a little and they kissed, while James made gagging sounds. Sirius laughed but privately he thought their relationship was really sweet. 

Euphemia had gotten Fleamont dress robes too, as well as a complete potion making kit with extra gomas barbadensis and extra hair from the Chinese fireball (ingredients used to make sleekeazy’s hair potion). 

“Thank you, Mia, darling this is perfect”. 

“Can we go fly now, mum? dad? I’m dying to test this new broom. Sirius you can use my old one” James told him standing up and stretching, showing a bit of his tan skin, Sirius looked away quickly. 

“Wow so generous, thanks mate” Sirius laughed at him.

“I mean you can try the new one too” James said smirking at him “after I try it”. Sirius rolled his eyes, and he stood up to follow James. 

“Go ahead boys” Fleamont smiled at them indulgently. “Have fun!” Euphemia put in. 

“Thanks, mum and dad, happy Christmas!” James called, almost running out of the room with his broomstick over his shoulder. Sirius rolled his eyes again, thanking James’s parents again, and then following him. 

Sirius hadn’t been on a broom in way too long. The breeze whipped through his hair, and he felt he had left all his problems on the ground below.


	10. Therapy and Thrifting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Idk if this needs a warning but just in case: Marlene makes a weird joking comment that James may like Sirius even though he said something about them being brothers. It seemed in character to me, but I’m in no way suggesting James or Sirius or Marlene is into incest I just want to make that clear. Still don’t read if that could trigger you though. Okay enjoy!

Sirius felt incredibly nervous as he ran his palms down his beat up jeans. (He had gotten them at a muggle thrift shop last year, and he smirked as he remembered the look on his mother’s face when she had seen them). 

He had just used floo powder to get to diagon alley from the Potters’ house. He had told James’s parents he was meeting Marlene in London today. Euphemia seemed to find this amusing and kept making teasing remarks, and Fleamont had just seemed happy to use this as an excuse to go into his office in diagon alley to work on his hair potions. 

James seemed the least pleased with this announcement. When Sirius had told his parents last night, he had become stiff and distant again. Sirius really didn’t know what to make of it. Even if James thought it was a date which was daft really didn’t Sirius just scream gay?? Even if he did think that though why did it matter to him?? It’s not like he fancied Sirius or anything. Didn’t he say he thought of him as a brother or something. Honestly, Sirius didn’t know what his problem was. But whatever it was it didn’t matter right now. 

After Sirius had said farewell to Fleamont he had gone to Gringotts to convert some galleons to pounds. Then he had made his way out of diagon alley out of the leaky cauldron briefly waving at Tom the barman, crossed the street and walked for about ten minutes or so, battling the icy wind. He was now in front of a brick building with a small sign over the doors that read “Central London”. Marlene had sent the address to him yesterday. 

He was so nervous. He squared his shoulders and reminded himself that he was a Gryffindor, he could do this. Besides Jenna had been really nice, he told himself. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door. He walked up a flight of stairs until he reached another door which he pushed open. 

“Hullo welcome to the Central London Mental Health office I’m Jenna, how may I help you today?” A girl in her twenties with short bright blue hair smiled at him from the behind the high desk. 

“Er yeah I’m Sirius Black I have an appointment at 2”

“Ah yes Mr. Black I remember, welcome in”. She wrote down something. “Here are the forms you’ll need to sign, make sure to read through them first, your therapist will go over them though especially the limits of confidentiality”. 

Sirius nodded, trying to take this all in. He took the clipboard with the forms she handed him. 

“It’ll be £50 for today’s visit” she told him, “will that be cash or card today?”

“Er cash” he told her sorta awkwardly, handing her the notes. 

“Righto” she took it and gave his change back to him. “You’re all set, Mr. Black, have a good session”

“Thanks” he told her and headed over to the waiting area filled with red squishy arm chairs and couches, some fake plants, magazines, and a large window that looked out on the street below. 

He sat down and read and signed his paperwork quickly, then he drummed his fingers on his legs anxiously as he wondered absently how Marlene’s appointment was going. 

“Sirius Black?” A little while later a middle aged Black woman with an afro called. 

Sirius stood up quickly and wiped his hands on his pants again. 

“Hi Sirius, I’m Ella Johnson” she smiled at him and shook his hand. “Come on in”

—————————

“So how was it?” Marlene was asking him, leaning against the brick building. She had just met up with him as they had planned. 

“Pretty good actually, she was really cool and nice. Still didn’t really wanna have to tell my whole life story though” he laughed, he was glad it was so cold out because he felt very sweaty from talking about so much personal stuff. “What about you? How’d it go?” 

“Oh er good, my therapist’s name is William Getterson. He’s nice too. I know what you mean about the telling your life story though. It can feel overwhelming.” She sighed. “I’m happy we’re doing this though. I think it’ll be good for both of us”

“Yeah” Sirius agreed, “what now?”

“Let’s get out of the cold. I was thinking maybe we could get some hot drinks and then we could go thrift shopping! What do you think?”

“Sounds brilliant! I love thrifting, I got these jeans from a thrift store” he told her happily. 

“Perfect me too! We should hang out more!” She linked her arm through his and they made their way down the street. 

As they walked they caught each other up with what they had been doing during break. Sirius told her all about James’s new broom, and she in turn told him all about her interest in baking. They found a small shop and ordered some tea and sat down by a window. 

“And my treacle tart came out almost as good as my mum’s” she was saying “anyways thanks for listening, baking has definitely been a good distraction because it’s been hard you know? Worrying about Marcus and the house is so quiet all the time and Christmas was just so weird. I’ve been to see him loads of course but he’s not always himself. He’s still very concerned that people are trying to kill him” she sighed and took a sip of her tea. “Anyways tell me more about what it’s been like at James’s place”

Sirius told her all about how fun and easy it had been and all about how nice and welcoming Fleamont and Euphemia are.  
“But things have seemed kinda weird between James and me lately I don’t know, it started with me telling him I was going to hang out with you in London” he sipped his tea. 

She laughed, “he probably thinks we’re on a date”

“I know I thought of that too but why should he care?”

“Hm maybe he’s jealous?”

“But why?”

“Uh because I’m amazing” she threw her long blonde hair over her shoulder and laughed, Sirius smirked at her. “No but seriously maybe he fancies you”

“Don’t be ridiculous, he does not he told me we’re like brothers”

She laughed again, “well maybe he’s into that”

“Ewww shut up”, he shoved her, “I need a cigarette after that comment, wanna go?”

“Sure!” They finished their tea and left.  
———————  
“My mum and I like to do this thing where we pick something out for the other person that we think looks like them. Wanna try it?” They were standing outside a small thrift shop. “Yeah you’re on” Sirius dropped his cigarette, smashing it with his boot and they hurried in the shop. 

Sirius immediately headed over to women’s clothes section, he quickly pushed article after article of colorful clothing trying to think of what Marlene might like. Then he saw it: a bright red romper with large white daisies on it, it looked like it might fit her. He pulled it off the hanger and folded it over his arm. He looked around the shop to see where Marlene had gotten to. He spotted her at the back of the shop and headed over. 

“What do you think?” He asked holding up the romper. 

“Ooooh Sirius yes! She squealed, grabbing the romper from him. I’ve always wanted one of these!! We have to do this more often you’re brilliant at it!!”

“Thanks” he said smirking, feeling pleased. “Any luck on your end?”

“Yeah I was thinking what you need is a nice leather jacket”

“Ooh nice one”

She gestured at the selection of jackets in front of them, “I say you try them on but if you don’t like how they fit we could try another shop”

“Alright”. Sirius looked at and felt each jacket carefully, pulling out one that felt like good quality leather and looked about his size. He tried it on, it felt right and fit well. 

“You look fit, Sirius” Marlene told him smiling. “Here hand it over, I’ll get it for you as a late Christmas present and a thank you for our therapy pact”

“Oh in that case you have to let me get the romper for you!” 

She smiled at him “alright deal”

————————  
James POV

James was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling feeling incredibly irritated and put out. Fuck Sirius and his attractive face and well everything. There were footsteps on the stairs, the stupid prat was back. James stood up quickly and put on Fleetwood Mac to make it look like he had been doing something besides sulking. The door opened. 

“Hey Jamie! Have a good afternoon?” Sirius called as he came in. 

James tried not to react to the nickname as he turned and then he had to force himself not to let his mouth hang open. Sirius was holding the grey coat he had worn to go into London and was instead wearing a vintage looking leather jacket that fit him perfectly. It somehow made him look 10x hotter and cooler which James didn’t even realize was possible. Honestly, that look should be illegal. James realized he was staring. And turned back around hoping Sirius didn’t notice he was flushing. 

“This song again, mate?” Sirius teased him as Landslide came on. 

“We’ve been through this it’s a great song. Anyways how was your date?” He asked him stiffly. He felt sick with how jealous he was of Marlene. 

“Uh first of all we were just hanging out I told you that and second of all you know you’re the one that kissed her, mate” Sirius teased him, coming to stand beside him and shoving his arm. James could smell cigarette smoke on him and that same sweet Sirius smell. He thought about what he had just said. And suddenly he felt a lot lighter. They hadn’t kissed. Maybe Sirius really wasn’t into her? He shoved him back, struggling to master the strong impulse to just pull him in and kiss him instead. 

The next few days passed in a blur of 1:1 games of quidditch, plans for a new prank, and listening to more records. They also attempted phase three but unsuccessfully much to their disappointment. James reassured Sirius he would get there in time, he just had to keep practicing the envisioning. They also heard from moony saying they had come out to their parents and they were supportive if not a little confused. They also said they would be coming to the New Year’s Eve party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the romper that inspired this here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/100791299/1970s-womens-jumpsuit-romper-simplicity?show_sold_out_detail=1&ref=nla_listing_details
> 
> Let me know if you find any typos or anything! Also feel free to come talk to me on tumblr (acontradictorymess)


	11. New Years Eve with A Side of Angst and Feminism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a lot of kissing in this one because they play spin the bottle. Please let me know if I need to add more tags or up the rating. I don’t think it gets to mature, but feel free to tell me if you think otherwise. Also sorry for the angst, I like to draw out the pining loll.

Sirius may have or may not have noticed the way James had stared at him when he came back wearing the leather jacket. Naturally then it was now his favorite item of clothing. He was currently pulling it on over his new bottle green dress robes. Then he bent down to tie up his combat boots. He was getting ready for the Potters’ New Year’s Eve party which was about to start. 

He was so excited, this party was going to be brilliant! The whole gang was coming and they had party games planned and lots of alcohol. The Potters’ didn’t seem to care much that they were underage given that it was a holiday. He ran his hand through his hair looking at his face, when inspiration struck. He stuck his tongue out at himself and then ran down the stairs two at a time. He quickly ran over to the fireplace, dropped in the floo powder, popped his head in, and shouted Marlene’s home address which she had given him the last time they had hung out. 

“Marlene!!! MARLENE!!!!!”

“What in Merlin’s name...who is dying” Marlene’s voice called, she bent down “Sirius what the fuck is happening? You know I’m trying to get ready for your party! And this is A Process let me tell you” she pursed her lips looking somewhat annoyed “well what is it? What was so important you had to interrupt me?”

“I need to borrow your eyeliner”

“Oh for fucks sake”, she stood back up. 

“Wait bring it with you please!” He called 

He heard her grumbling something that sounded a lot like “Sirius Black”, as he returned back to the Potters’. 

“Hey Si!” James called as he returned. “You almost ready then?” He looked unfairly attractive as usual. He had used some sort of product in his hair so that his messy hair was more messy than usual. It made Sirius want to run his hands through it. His new silver dress robes fit him perfectly and worked well with his silver wire framed glasses. Sirius tried not to stare. 

“Yeah, Jamie!”

“Brilliant! Guests should start arriving soon.”

Sirius dusted the ashes off himself, and headed to wait with James for the guests. 

The first guests to arrive were Fleamont and Euphemia’s friends much to James’s and Sirius’s disappointment. The house quickly became packed with guests. 

The Potters’ had gone all out with decorations. There was glitter suspended in midair everywhere, silk streamers wrapped around the banisters, a 1976 silver banner where the text would disappear and then write itself out again, and James’s had said there would even been an indoor magical firework display after midnight. 

Remus was first to pop out of the fireplace out of their friends. They were wearing navy blue dress robes. 

“Hiya mate, long time no see”, James hugged them “how’re you?” Sirius hugged them too. 

“Pretty good, it’s been a nice break both from school...and other things”. Sirius remembered that the full moon had happened before they had left Hogwarts for break. 

“Nice one, mate” Sirius told them, “want some champagne?” 

“Sure”. They headed over to grab one of the many glasses lined up on the table which had a crisp white tablecloth on it. The glass magically refilled itself after Sirius drank some of it. Sirius’s only warning was a flash of blonde hair before he was almost tackled by Marlene. 

“You are so ridiculous!!!” She hugged him tightly and then shoved him. She was beaming though. “Honestly so fucking dramatic I thought James was bad but no”. She looked beautiful in a white evening gown which accentuated her curves and she had curled her long blonde hair so that it fell in ringlets down her back. 

“Care to fill us in?” James asked, he was looking rather irritated. 

“I will tell you all the fucking ridiculous story, but only after I help Sirius execute it. Don’t wanna spoil anything, come on, Sirius, she put her arm through his. Remus had been watching all of this with a bemused expression on their face. James was looking at his champagne glass like it was the most fascinating thing. 

They quickly went up the stairs together, Marlene giggling as they went. “Okay did you see his face, I’m telling you he fancies you”

“And I’m telling you AGAIN that he does not...now did you bring it?”

“Of course I did” they went into the loo together. Sirius sat down on the marble counter top, as Marlene pulled out a stick of black liquid eyeliner, and began to get to work. She put her tongue between her teeth. He noticed she was wearing a deep red lipstick. She smelled like lavender. “You know if I wasn’t gay I would totally fancy you” he told her seriously. 

She laughed, “I know I told you I’m amazing”. He laughed, “you are”. She continued to work in silence for a few more minutes. “Okay there, see what you think”

He turned around and smiled. The eyeliner brought out the grey of his eyes more. “Wicked” he said. 

“Yeah you look real good. If James doesn’t kiss you by the end of tonight, I’ll eat my hat”

“You’re not wearing a hat”

“Shut up and c’mon, I want champagne” She tugged him out of the bathroom and back down the stairs. 

Remus slow clapped, as they came over. “You look fit, mate” they told him. Sirius found James’s eyes. He was standing there with his mouth slightly open just sorta staring. Sirius flushed and looked a away rubbing his neck awkwardly. “What do you think, Jamie?”

“Jamie, that’s new” Remus commented smirking. Marlene just laughed and grabbed some champagne. 

“Er...uh...yeah like Remus said you look...uh good” he said looking at the ground. Sirius could’ve sworn he was blushing. 

“NOW IT’S A PARTY” Dorcas had arrived, hand in hand with Lily. They all hugged each other in turns. And Dorcas grabbed champagne for Lily and her. Lily was in a black shimmery dress with her red hair pilled up on her head and Dorcas was in a deep purple A-line dress with her braids wrapped in an elaborate bun. 

Marlene recalled the story of Sirius screaming her name just to ask for eyeliner much to the amusement of the entire group. “You’re so dramatic” Dorcas told him laughing. Sirius shrugged like what can you do. 

“I missed you all” Lily told them. 

“Same” Marlene and Remus said together and then started laughing again.

“Well shall we play some party games?” James asked the group. 

“SPIN THE BOTTLE!!” Marlene exclaimed. Remus and Lily rolled their eyes. 

“Here she goes again trying to get people to kiss each other” Remus sighed all long sufferingly. 

“I was thinking more like “who am I” and New Years resolutions. But we could do spin the bottle. We’d need a bottle though.” James replied. Sirius grabbed the champagne bottle off the table and began to chug it. He could hear the others laughing. The bubbles tickled his throat. He drained the bottle and handed it to James. “You’re welcome”. Everyone laughed. Their fingertips brushed and Sirius swear he could feel electric energy. James was looking at him with a sorta intense unreadable expression on his face. They headed upstairs because the entryway, sitting room, dining room, and kitchen were filled with guests milling about talking and sipping champagne. They settled in James’s bedroom. 

“Okay let’s add a New Year’s Eve twist, you have to say a resolution each turn” Dorcas suggested. The others agreed. 

“I’m going first because it was my suggestion” Marlene declared. “One of my New Years resolutions is to actually date someone this year” she smirked “even if he’s an idiot” she spun the bottle. It landed on Remus who rolled their eyes and sighed. She smiled and leaned across the circle and kissed them quickly on lips. She settled back in her spot next to Sirius. Somehow James had ended up across from Sirius. 

Remus said “my New Years resolution is to get at least five OWLS”. 

“Ooh that’s a good one” Lily said while the others rolled their eyes and laughed. 

“That’s is so you, mate” Dorcas laughed. They spun the bottle and landed on Dorcas who untangled herself from Lily and pecked their lips as well. 

“My New Years resolution is to master turning into a gazelle” 

“Ooh now that’s actually a good one” Sirius said. Remus rolled their eyes. “Have you been practicing phase two?” James asked her. 

“Yep everyday!” She said happily. Lily nodded. 

“James and I tried phase three, no luck” Sirius told her sadly. 

“Back to the game, you guys” Marlene reminded them looking sorta put out. Dorcas spun the bottle and landed on Lily. Everyone laughed and rolled their eyes as they began to make out. They continued until James said laughing “alright alright we know you’re in love, let’s keep going shall we?” Lily shrugged and smirked. “My New Years resolution is to apologize less.”

“Nice one I might steal that” Marlene said. 

“Go for it. We all should” Lily told her. She spun the bottle, it landed on Sirius. He smirked at her and leaned across the circle to give her a kiss. Her lips were soft and she pressed them against his firmly before pulling away. She smelled like cinnamon. He smiled at her and settled back in his spot. 

“My New Years resolution is to write to my brother more”

“That’s sweet, Sirius” Marlene said smiling at him. “Uh thanks” he said feeling kinda awkward maybe that had been too honest. He spun the bottle internally hoping it landed on James. No such luck. 

It landed on Marlene, who giggled and wiggles her eyebrows at him. Sirius rolled his eyes, smiling. She leaned over, lavender wafting into his nose, she threw her curls over her shoulder, placed her hand on his neck and leaned in. It was nice Sirius thought, moving his lips against her waxy ones. He really thought that if he was into girls, she definitely would be the one he would fancy. She slid her tongue along his bottom lip which felt nice. Nice was probably not how most straight guys would describe it though. He pulled back. 

“You’re a good kisser” she told him laughing. 

He flushed, “thanks”. He looked over at James who wasn’t looking at him but was staring into his champagne glass again. 

“James hasn’t gotten to go at all” Lily told them, “why don’t you go, James”. Sirius’s heartbeat quickened, as James made eye contact with Sirius. He had a sorta intense look on his face. “Okay my New Years resolution is to be more honest” he didn’t break eye contact as he said this. Then he spun the bottle. Sirius couldn’t look away from James. 

So he kinda started when he noticed James had begun to crawl over to him. He looked down at the bottle, but it wasn’t there. James licked his top lip and Sirius followed the movement transfixed. His lips were so red. Sirius leaned in, he smelled like his minty shampoo and champagne. James put a cool hand on his face. Sirius’s stomach was full of butterflies and his heart was beating madly. Time seemed to move more slowly as James pressed his lips softly against his. Sirius felt hot all over and his stomach swooped like he had just done a dive on his broom. 

Sirius moved his lips against James’s and when James licked his top lip, Sirius thought oh now this is how it’s supposed to feel. And then he wasn’t really thinking anything as he opened his mouth to James. He tasted like champagne and something sweet, their tongues circled each other. Sirius wanted to climb on top of him, they weren’t nearly close enough. Then he remembered that all of their friends were watching and reluctantly pulled away. There was wolf whistling and clapping. Sirius flushed and looked at James who wasn’t looking at him again. James went back over to his spot. There was an awkward silence. 

“I’m hungry” Dorcas announced all of a sudden. Lily agreed and helped her up. Remus and Marlene seemed to be communicating silently. 

“Oh yeah, starving” Marlene added dramatically and joined them. Remus followed. Sirius knew what they were doing, they were so obvious. He felt sorta grateful to them nonetheless. Silence fell as the room emptied and it was just him and James. James still wasn’t looking at him.

After a few moments, Sirius couldn’t take the tension, “Er that was fun” he joked awkwardly. 

James looked up at him with yet another unreadable look on his face. “Fun?” He asked him quietly. 

“Er yeah...” Sirius wanted to smack himself it had honestly been the hottest moment of his life so far and he used the word “fun” to describe it, what was wrong with him. 

“Right yeah” James said, “Er I gotta go check on the party guests and everything I’ll see you later okay?” And he left the room quickly. Sirius actually did smack his forehead then. “Ughhh what is wrong with me?” He buried his face in his hands. 

James avoided him for the rest of the night. Sirius told himself he would get a chance to talk to him about it on the train. Sirius tried to enjoy the rest of the night: dancing with Marlene, eating chocolate cauldrons, counting down to midnight and then kissing Marlene again, and watching the magical firework display. It was nice but he really just wanted to tell James how much that kiss had meant and how into him he really was. The guests slowly began to filter out around 3 am. Their friends hugged them and sleepily flooed back to their houses. 

“Great party, Potter” Marlene called yawning. 

“See you both on the train” Remus told them.

That morning found the Potters and Sirius very hungover and grumpy. James and Sirius were running around trying to collect all their things. It was impressive how spread out their possessions had gotten in a matter of a mere few weeks. 

“I told you two to pack before the party” Euphemia was saying shaking her head. “Every year James, I swear”. 

“Maybe we really should stop having these parties, Mia” Fleamont said wearily, holding his head, sitting down at the table. 

“Maybe” Euphemia agreed but she was smiling, as she summoned the tea pot for her husband. 

They slowly packed up the car with their trunks and owls and headed to King’s Cross. 

“Have a good term, and study hard for your OWLs” Euphemia said, hugging them both and kissing their cheeks. James looked embarrassed again. “I will mum”  
“Thank you both for having me, it’s been really nice” Sirius told them honestly. “Any time” Fleamont said smiling at him. “Yes you keep James out of our hair” Euphemia teased. James rolled his eyes. “Try to keep out of trouble” Fleamont told them seriously. James just nodded so Sirius copied him. 

“Maybe you can come stay with us this summer if you would like to?” Euphemia asked Sirius. Sirius smiled and looked at James who sorta nodded stiffly. “Yeah I would love that” he told her.  
“Wonderful, that’s settled then. Well you better get on board, the train is about to leave”. The whistle blew, all around them students were hurrying onto the train. James and Sirius hauled their trunks and their owls onto the train, shutting the door after them. “Make sure to write to us!” Euphemia called. “You know I will!” James said smiling, “bye mum and dad!” “Bye!” Sirius added waving as the train began to roll out of the station. They continued waving until James’s parents were out of sight. 

“Well shall we go get a compartment, Jamie?” Sirius asked him carefully. He really needed to talk to him about the kiss but James kept avoiding him. “Oh er yeah I have to talk to Amelia King about quidditch practice first though but I’ll come find you. I’m sure the others are together though”

“Right” Sirius said, stomach sinking. “I’ll see you later then I guess”

“Later” and James set off. Sirius sighed. 

——————————  
Sirius didn’t see James later on the train, and at the welcome feast he sat next to Remus and mostly avoided talking to Sirius. When Sirius asked him why he didn’t come find them on the train he mumbled something about Amelia King. This continued for days, he would leave the dormitory before Sirius was up, so he would be done with breakfast by the time Sirius was there, so Sirius only really saw him in lessons but he kept sitting with Moony. 

It was driving Sirius crazy. Okay they had kissed but if James didn’t want to talk about it they didn’t have to, he didn’t need to constantly avoid him like this. Sirius tried to arrive early to lessons to tell him this or to at least sit with him so he could try to tell him this but the prat kept showing up just before class started.

After a few days of this Sirius gave up, he figured James would talk to him when he wanted to. So Sirius began to spend a lot of time with just Marlene, Lily, and Dorcas, mostly in their dorm. ((Author’s note: fuck the heteronormative and sexist idea that boys at hogwarts couldn’t go in the girls’ dormitory)). 

Sirius discovered that Dorcas owned a sweet black bald cat named Lilac that immediately liked Sirius and purred when he scratched her head. Sirius was privy to most of the school’s gossip due to being closer to Marlene. Apparently Benjy Fenwick was hooking up with Simone Jones (one of the Gryffindor beaters). 

Lily like Remus encouraged them to revise more. She was brilliant at potions though, and actually edited their papers. Sirius also discovered that she had a knack for crossword puzzles, so they would often complete the daily prophet’s together ((Author’s note: Chchchcherrybomb’s idea)). Dorcas talked a lot about how inspiring she found her Runes Professor, Professor Knapp. She explained how Hogwarts really needed to employ more people of color, Sirius agreed. 

Sirius was laying on the floor of their dormitory one night, very sleepy but not feeling like getting up to go to his bed. Marlene was painting her toenails. Dorcas was reading something. When Lily spoke, “guys I have to tell you something, it’s been weighing on me”. Dorcas put down her book and went to go sit with Lily, putting her arm around her. “You can tell us anything” Marlene told her and Sirius nodded. 

“Thanks guys...Er it’s hard to explain...remember how I kinda had a feeling that James’s animagus was a deer?”

“Yeah I said you might be a seer” Dorcas said quietly. Marlene and Sirius nodded. 

“Well I think my family must have seer blood or something because I’ve started to know certain things before they happen. Not actual full visions or prophecies or anything like that, but just these feelings...it’s hard to explain”

“That’s really cool” Dorcas said quietly. 

“Yeah but maybe you should tell Professor Dumbledore” Marlene said nervously. 

“Or at least Professor Vaticinio, she may be kinda weird but at least she knows about this stuff” Sirius suggested. 

“Okay” Lily agreed, “thanks guys”


	12. Concerts and More Quidditch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m posting this at 2 am my time so I’m sorry for any typos, I’ll fix them later. I don’t think this chapter needs any additional warnings, but feel free to tell me if you think otherwise! Enjoy!

James POV  
James missed Sirius. He was being stupid. So they had kissed and it hadn’t affected Sirius whatsoever. That didn’t mean they still couldn’t be friends. Sure James had a huge crush on him but he could probably get over that eventually right? So he decided enough was enough. Instead of getting up before Sirius as he had the past week, he waited until he heard him stirring before pushing his bed hangings to the side.

Sirius popped out of his with his dark hair all tousled and with some eye goop in his eyes and a pillow crease on his cheek. He was yawning. The prat still looked so bloody gorgeous too. James forced himself not to sigh. 

“Hey mate”

Sirius startled, like he hadn’t realized James was there. “Oh er hi”

“Sorry I haven’t been meaning to avoid you or anything I’ve just been super busy” James lied, not looking at him. So much for being more honest this year James thought bitterly. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. James wished he could do that as well as he did.  
“Right I’ve been super busy too” Sirius said looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Right”. There was an awkward silence. In which Peter got up and glared in their direction and shuffled into the loo. Sirius and James began to laugh. And just like that it was like the past week hadn’t happened. Remus seemed relieved that he was talking to Sirius again because apparently he had been interrupting his revision with his moodiness. Whatever Remus. 

The amount of work the professors had been piling on them after the break was ghastly. Remus as well as the professors consistently reminded them that there were less than five months left before they took their exams. 

With so much to worry about and so much to do—startling amounts of homework that kept the fifth years working well past midnight, quidditch practices (Amelia was determined to get that cup still and kept reminding them of their upcoming match against Hufflepuff), unsuccessful attempts at phase three, and slow progress and note taking for Sirius’s map idea—January seemed to be passing alarmingly fast. 

January 30th was Lily’s birthday. It was a Friday so they still had to attend lessons, but they had potions in the afternoon with Professor Slughorn who liked Lily. They learned how to brew the wit-sharpening potion. 

Lily was brilliant at potions much to James’s constant annoyance. She was definitely top of their class and she achieved the purple hue of the potion faster than anyone could. Professor Slughorn awarded her with 20 house points and some of his favorite candied pineapple. 

Dorcas and Marlene spent time helping the staff make a surprise vegetarian dinner for Lily. Sirius gave her a book of crosswords, Remus gave her a book on Seers, James gave her a bag of honeyduke’s toffees, Marlene baked her a cake, and Dorcas made her a magical bracelet, which afterwards she was never seen without. 

February brought with it warmer and wetter weather as well as the daunting prospect of their upcoming match against Hufflepuff. 

James was attempting to fill in his astronomy chart one evening when Sirius and Marlene stood up saying they had to be somewhere. This was not the first time they had done this in the last few weeks. James was trying not to let it bother him, but it did. Why couldn’t Sirius just tell him where they went? Weren’t they supposed to be best friends? When James had tried to press him on the subject, Sirius just told him he couldn’t say. James wondered if they were snogging in an empty classroom or something and tried not to care (very unsuccessfully). 

Sirius POV  
He and Marlene were still going to therapy in London regularly. They had gotten special permission from Professor Mcgonagall to use the fireplace in her office to travel into London using floo powder. Marlene had told Professor McGonagall all about Marcus. She was completely understanding. She got it cleared by Dumbledore that they could go off of school grounds for up to two hours maximum each week. 

Marlene told Sirius how she had reassured Marcus many times that she was personally in therapy and that it was useful. He trusted her more than anyone else so he agreed to go, even though he was still worried that many people wanted to kill him. He had moved in with their mother as well, and was out of St. Mungo’s. 

————————  
Sirius saw a flier on his way to therapy with Marlene, and a plan began to form in his mind. Marlene took a lot of convincing because she didn’t want to get in trouble and because she was scared of jeopardizing their therapy sessions. But as James put it: it was not everyday Freddie Mercury was playing in London and so close to diagon alley to boot! James was of course immediately on board with the plan and he and Sirius concocted a plan.  
Remus was also not as convinced, but Dorcas and Lily were big Queen fans and agreed immediately. 

They planned on using Professor McGonagall’s fireplace, and they agreed they would have to be careful especially about how they staged their return since it would be so late at night. They decided they would go in pairs and wait ten minutes before sending the next pair. Unfortunately, only one of the pairs could have the invisibility cloak. Dorcas suggested they summon it back for each pair but James told her the risk of the cloak hitting someone or something was too great. 

Soon enough, it was time to put their plan in action. Marlene and Sirius checked Professor McGonagall’s office first since they had permission to use it. Professor McGonagall must be at dinner like they hoped because the office was empty.  
Sirius pulled out his mirror and muttered “all clear, Jamie” and the others met up with them. 

The group really pulled out all the stops in terms of their muggle fashion. Marlene was wearing the romper Sirius had gotten her for Christmas with a denim jacket. Dorcas was wearing light denim bell bottoms and a white Queen hoodie. Lily was wearing navy blue corduroy bell bottoms, a long sleeve white crochet crop top, and wooden clogs. Remus wore dark wash jeans and a purple flannel. James wore a tie dye tank top that showed a sliver of his tan stomach and light wash jeans. His hair was styled similarly to New Year’s Eve. None of these things made Sirius feel a damn thing of course, shut up Remus. Sirius wore his light wash jeans, white button up, his favorite leather jacket, and of course his combat boots. He had Marlene do his eyeliner again too. 

They each flooed to the Leaky Cauldron. Tom raised an eyebrow at them but didn’t comment. They quickly made their way down the streets of Muggle London towards the venue. Sirius was so excited. Freddie Mercury! Live!

“Fuck it’s freezing” James said suddenly. The wind had picked up. 

“I told you, you to bring a jumper, mate” Remus replied rolling their eyes, and sounding a little like an exasperated mother. 

“Here just wear mine” Sirius said, shrugging off the leather jacket. His button up was long sleeved anyways. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, you might die of hypothermia otherwise” Sirius teased him. James was shaking a little. 

“Thank you” James said sounding grateful as he pulled it on. 

Sirius swallowed. That might’ve been a mistake on his part. James looked a bit like a sex god, the jacket was a little small on him and clung to his biceps a little. Sirius couldn’t stop staring. He almost ran into a fire hydrant much to the amusement of the entire group. Sirius decided then that James in his leather jacket was a definite safety hazard. But also something that needed to happen much more frequently. 

Soon enough they got to the venue. It was completely packed. After what felt like ages they were finally able to get tickets. Sirius had started to worry it might sell out before they could. Opening for Queen was Mr. Big (UK). They were pretty good. Sirius particularly liked their songs “Romeo” and “Hold me”. 

“Take me to your bed” cough at the boy standing really close to him wearing his jacket. After the opening act, Sirius decided he needed some air and a cigarette, and maybe some space from the intoxicating presence that was James. He closed his eyes, inhaling the nicotine before blowing out the smoke. 

“You should wear eyeliner more often” came James’s voice. Sirius started. Was he flirting with him? It definitely sounded like it.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah?” He asked him

“Yeah definitely” James said, and he was coming even closer. Sirius looked down at his red, red lips. He ran his tongue over his own lips, and watched as James tracked the movement with his eyes. Were they—was he—? Suddenly, Marlene appeared and told them the show was about to start. Sirius tore his gaze from James and dropped his cigarette, crushing it with his boot. He was certain they had almost kissed. No spin the bottle involved. 

The show was unbelievable. They all danced and belted the lyrics until they almost lost their voices. It was one of the best nights Sirius ever had. During Bohemian Rhapsody, James and Dorcas had an epic air guitar battle. The best moment though was when “you’re my best friend” played. James pressed close to Sirius and he whispered in his ear, causing Sirius to shiver, “I maintain that this song is about you”. Sirius’s heart was racing. He gave James a small shy smile. 

Somehow they made it back to the common room without getting caught. The fact that they got away with sneaking out to a Queen concert in their fifth year without getting in trouble was one of James’s and Sirius’s proudest achievements at Hogwarts and one of their favorite stories to tell later in life. Remus maintained that Dumbledore probably knew somehow but just didn’t care because well it’s Freddie Mercury. Dorcas liked to say that maybe Dumbledore himself even went.  
—————————  
The morning of the quidditch game against Hufflepuff brought with it heavy rain. Sirius exchanged a sympathetic grimace with James as they looked out into the downpour together. 

“Rain or shine—Amelia will still kill us if we don’t win” he sighed. 

Breakfast was a quieter affair compared to the last match. Marlene didn’t seem too keen to take any bets after losing so spectacularly the last time. 

“You’ve got this, Jamie, the bloody weather doesn’t matter you’re a brilliant flyer”, he put his hand on his arm in a way he hoped was comforting. James looked at him with yet another one of his intense unreadable expressions. Sirius felt like a coiled spring lately around James, especially since their almost kiss. Thanks” James said finally looking away. 

Remus muttered something that sounded an awful lot like “Jamie” and Sirius glared at them. They smirked back at him. “Just do your best, mate”.

“Good luck, mate” Dorcas said coming up to the table with Lily. 

“We’ll still love you either way” Marlene added cheerfully, sipping her pumpkin juice, Remus elbowed her.

“It’ll be alright” Lily tried to reassure him.

“Right I better go get changed, thanks guys I’ll see you after”. 

“Wait this’ll help you” Lily said quickly, “impervious”, she said tapping his glasses, “that way you can see in the rain”.

“Oh brilliant! Thanks Lils” 

“She is brilliant!” Dorcas added kissing her cheek and beaming. Lily blushed slightly. “No problem! You should have the rest of the team do it as well” she told him. 

“Will do, thanks a million!”

It was a rather dismal event. The torrential rain made it almost impossible to make out the players. The announcer’s voice was hard to hear over the rushing wind, even magically enhanced. Nonetheless, Sirius could just make out that Gryffindor was losing, but by how much he didn’t know. The yellow and black blurs that were the Hufflepuff team seemed to be remarkable players from what Sirius could make out. 

He just hoped that Lily’s spell could help Gryffindor enough to pull off a win and sooner rather than later Sirius thought, as the wind bit at his face and Sirius wound his Gryffindor scarf tighter still squinting upward at the players. His hands and the tip of his nose were numb with cold. Suddenly, a whistle blew. Was it over? Who had won?

Crowds of students pushed passed Sirius as they all tried to get out of the downpour. 

“Who won?” Someone called from Sirius’s left. 

“Dunno” Someone else answered. 

Sirius just wanted to see James. He let the crowd carry him towards the pitch before shoving a few people as he squinted around for maroon and gold colors and dark messy hair. Suddenly, there he was. He was completely drenched but beaming and his hair was plastered to his face and he was the most beautiful thing Sirius had ever seen.  
“We won!” He told Sirius. His lips were so red. Without planning on it, without thinking about it, he kissed him. His stomach swooped like he had missed a step on the stairs as he put his hand on his neck and pulled him closer.  
James responded almost immediately, pressing back against Sirius as he ran his hand through Sirius’s hair, moving his lips insistently against Sirius’s. He swiped his tongue across his upper lip and Sirius opened his mouth to him. He tasted sweet and a little like strawberry jam. The rain continued to pour on them, but Sirius didn’t care, all he cared about was tasting more of James. Eventually, they broke apart, breathing heavily, and Sirius beamed at him. James gave Sirius his favorite small shy smile. 

“You were brilliant” Sirius murmured, he hadn’t really seen James play all that much but it didn’t matter. James beamed. 

“Where are the others?”

“No idea” Sirius said shrugging. 

“We should probably go in”. Sirius looked around and was surprised to see most of the crowd had disappeared. The rain was coming down harder than ever. 

They headed back into the castle together, the silence was thick with tension. Sirius performed Lily’s warming spell to dry their robes. 

“Er it” James began at the same time Sirius said “I er”. They laughed a little. 

“You can go” Sirius told him. 

“Er I was just going to say it doesn’t have to mean anything...the kiss”. He was looking at his shoes. 

Sirius felt his stomach drop. This again. “Right, is that what you want?” Sirius asked him softly but directly. 

“Er...no” he looked at him, and Sirius could tell he was nervous as he ran his hand through his hair and bit his lip. Sirius’s heart was racing. 

“Er do remember you when Lily was impersonating me that one time when we went camping? And she said something about me saying something like “did you see that bloke I mean wow” 

“Yeah” Sirius said nodding slowly. Of course he remembered, he had wondered who that was about. 

“Well it was more like did you see the new French bloke. As in you. You’re ridiculously gorgeous did you know that?”

“Is that right?” Sirius said smirking, his stomach was full of butterflies. He couldn’t believe this was happening!

“Yeah that’s right and I’m so into you”

Sirius smiled at him then tentatively. But he suddenly remembered something. “Why did you say I was like a brother then??”

James looked embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Oh er I was scared you were into Marlene, and I was making it weird also my mum said the brother thing I was just repeating it”

“You are such a dumbass” Sirius said fondly, shoving him. 

“You’re the one that called our first kiss ‘fun’” James said defensively. 

“I panicked also that was a game I’m not sure it counts as our first kiss” Sirius said without missing a beat. 

“I stopped the bottle on you on purpose” James was watching him closely. 

“Oh well...the word fun doesn’t do kissing you justice at all so that was really dumb of me, and just so you know you’re so attractive it should be illegal...I’m really into you too in case that wasn’t clear” Sirius stammered blushing. 

James beamed at him, and leaned in and pecked him on the lips. “So what now?”, he asked him. 

Sirius summoned all of his Gryffindor courage and said “you should date me”. 

“Oh yeah? That’s what I should do huh?” James teased him. 

“Yeah definitely” his heart was pounding and he felt like he could walk on air. 

“Alright then, Si, you wanna be my boyfriend?”

“Definitely, Jamie”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Bits of Trivia  
> -January 30, 1976 really was a Friday and I wrote that before I looked it up so that’s pretty cool  
> -Lily’s birthday is 1/30 in canon  
> -Vaticino means to predict in Spanish  
> -Addicio Crura roughly means add legs in Latin (there was no incantation from J.K. Rowling)  
> -“Meet us tonight, around eight o’clock, seventh floor opposite that tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by those trolls."-J.K. quote  
> -“With so much to worry about and so much to do—startling amounts of homework that kept the fifth years working...past midnight...—January seemed to be passing alarming fast”-J.K. quote with my own writing/plot points added in  
> -the number I used for the therapy center is actually formatted like a London number  
> -all the music I used in chapter 8 came out before or right around winter 1975  
> -Mr. Big did open for Queen during their Night of the Opera tour in Europe.  
> -also shoutout to fictionalcandie bc I will never be able to write hot scenes like you can (everyone should read these golden beacons at least once I’m telling you, you won’t regret it).  
> —————  
> Sometimes when the pining ends I stop reading lol but stick around for more shenanigans/plot points if you want (phase three has to work eventually!!) Will Lily’s abilities come in handy? And will they win the quidditch cup? How will OWLs go?  
> Also I think there will be an epilogue after Chapter 13 so two more chapters to go!
> 
> Update (1/4/2021) apparently when the pining ends I also stop writing lol. I apologize to all my readers. Thank you for commenting and reading! I probably won’t finish it. I did have some bullet points I’ll add here. 
> 
> Chapter 13
> 
> Sirius concentrated hard on the image of the great black dog in his mind. He had been practicing everyday. He prayed it would be enough this time. He muttered Amato Animo Animato Animagus as he waved his wand in a circle and then turned in the chalk circle. It was a lot to do at once. They had been working on this for several days in a row now. Sirius was getting frustrated. He took a steadying breath as he pictured the dog and repeated the words and the movement. Suddenly he felt his body began to shrink slightly and thick dark hair began to cover his arms and legs. Finally some progress! He felt his facial features morphing to canine ones. And a tail began to grow which was an odd sensation to be honest. 
> 
> Beside him Lily had hooves instead of hands and her face was shifting to be more horse-like. 
> 
> -scene of protecting moony  
> Lily has a feeling about something before it happens which helps protect Remus. She knows Snape followed them, so they’re able to hide from him.   
> -quidditch game where they win the house cup-April  
> -they make out in front of everyone
> 
> Epilogue  
> -owls   
> -Calming Draught   
> —good symmetry: under that same tree in chapter one (like Harry’s memory only they don’t bully Snape and Lily and James are friends and with other people lol)  
> -Sirius thinks back to all those months ago. 
> 
> Sirius leaned back against James’s chest closing his eyes and he smiled feeling content as he pictured their future together. More concerts, more camping trips, more quidditch games, more detentions, and eventually finishing school and getting jobs, Sirius’s motorcycle, making it fly together, sharing a flat with James, covered in paint laughing and making out, getting married, maybe a baby eventually with messy hair and hazel eyes like James, more concerts, more laughter, growing old together   
> And Sirius couldn’t wait.


End file.
